Mirror Mirror on the Wall

"Other people are like a mirror which reflects back on us the image that we cast."

- Fulton J. Sheen

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30-Second Timeout Talk:

When you look at other what do you see?  What are the things that you like or dislike about others?  You see, our view of the people in our world is actually a reflection of the way we view ourselves.

It’s easy to comprehend this notion when we see the positive traits in a person.  When we see the positive traits in others, it’s easy to embrace the concept that the positive traits we observe are a reflection of the traits we see in ourselves.  The concept is much more difficult to embrace when we see negative traits in others.   How could I possibly possess the same traits of people that annoy me? 

Look at it this way – our ego protects us from our true reality.  Nobody really wants to see them self in negative light.  It’s difficult to admit that we might have some work to do.  Hence, our ego projects these undesirable traits onto others.  You’re probably saying, “No way, I’m not like that.”  Oh but you are, you’re just not capable of seeing it because of projection.   Projection inhibits ownership!

  

You "can’t have your cake and eat it too": you can’t see a reflection of yourself in the people you admire and not see the reflection in those who annoy you.   If you want to see more positive reflections, embrace the fact that as humans we are imperfect – this includes you!  We all have work to do and growth should never stop.  No growth will ever occur until we take a good look at our life and take ownership of our shortcomings.  So the next time you have a negative reaction to someone don’t reflect and project;  instead, reflect and accept!

A mirror is an object that reflects an image of an object placed in front of it.  So when we look at others, remember that the reflection we see is intended to give us a glimpse of what our inner-self is really all about. 

Take a good, long, and deep look - Here’s to inner beauty!

It’s your life: Live it, Love it & Celebrate it!

MJD

Everyone Has One

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice.”

- Steve Jobs

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30-Second Timeout:

There once was a farmer who took his grandson to town on a donkey.  The grandson rode the donkey while the grandfather walked alongside the donkey.  A man passed by and said, "Look at the selfish boy making his grandfather walk."  The grandfather heard the comment and took the boy off the donkey.   The grandfather began riding the donkey while his grandson walked along side.  Then someone said, "Look at that selfish man making that little boy walk while he sits and rides. Hearing that, the grandfather pulled the little boy up with him and they rode the donkey together. Then somebody said, "How cruel of that man and little boy to place such a heavy load on that donkey."  By the time they got to town the grandfather and the grandson were carrying the donkey. 

The point of the story is that no matter what you do you're not going to please everybody.  People will view things from their own perspective and they're certainly entitled to their own opinion.  Don't live your life trying to please others.  It a lose-lose situation.  You rob yourself of creating your own happiness based upon a strategy this is doomed to fail from the very start!  Take heed of the wisdom of Dr. Seuss, who said, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Remember, everyone has an opinion.  It is neither right nor wrong.  It is simply a characterization of a person or an event based upon one's own values, beliefs, and experiences.  Hence, their opinion is not your reality.  Yes, everyone has the right to their opinion and you have the right to ignore it!

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

MJD

The Price Tag

“The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.  Hard work is the price we must pay for success.  You can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price."

- Vince Lombardi

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30-Second Timeout Talk:

In the retail industry, prior to making a purchase, one examines the price tag affixed to the item.  Nowadays, if a price tag is missing one can easily scan the barcode to find the cost of the item.  When purchasing an item, one must first determine two things: how bad do they want the item and is the item worth the price.  You’ve done this before: because of a want or perceived want, you pick up an item for sale, examine the price tag and then walk away without the item in hand.  It’s simple logic; the price tag trumped the want!

Goal setting is similar to shopping!   First, you determine the degree of the want.  Once the want has been determined you must examine its price tag.  Is it worth it?
  

Anything worth pursuing comes with a price tag.  Often times, the price tag is high.  Generally, the more you want something the higher the cost.  It was Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra that said, “That which costs little is less valued.” Pursuing a goal will come at a cost to you (i.e., time, money, and effort). It also requires a trade-off.  The pursuit means you’ll likely have to give-up something, something that may be important to you.  Understand, although there is a price to pay,  there is no greater satisfaction than when the want trumps the price tag and the goal gets accomplished.
   

I write this not to discourage you from setting goals.  In fact, I encourage you to set goals, lofty ones at that. Michelangelo said, “The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." 

I couldn’t agree more with Mark Twain’s quote, “Throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."  Goal setting should be like a voyage - Just make sure you check the price tag first!

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

Making a Difference

“It takes each of us to make a difference for all of us."
~ Jackie Mutcheson

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30-Second Timeout Talk

A boy was playing along the seashore when he noticed an elderly man off in the distance tossing things into the ocean.  Being curious, the boy stopped playing and walked toward the man.  As the boy approached the man, the boy noticed starfish everywhere on the sand.  The boy watched the elderly man pick up a starfish and gently toss it back into the ocean.  The young boy, being inquisitive, asked the man, “What are you doing?  The elderly man quietly said, “Trying to make a difference.”  The boy, still puzzled, responded, “but there are so many – what difference does it make saving a few of them?”  The elderly man didn’t say a word.  He bent down, picked up a starfish, tossed it back into the ocean and with a smile turned toward the boy and said, “It certainly makes a difference to that one.”   

Will you make a difference in someone's life today?  Or, will you choose to be apathetic – believing what difference will it make?   Reaching out to another always makes a difference.  It doesn’t have to be an act of grandeur.  It can be a simple as a friendly smile, a soft touch, or a kind word.   Bernard Meltzer, once said, “There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up."  

So today, make it a point to make a difference in another person’s life.  That difference will certainly make a difference in your life too! 

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

The Right Thing

"Doing the right thing is not always easy and it’s not always popular, but isn’t enough that it's right.”
- Senora Ray

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30-Second Timeout Talk:

This morning I heard someone say, “Wow, that’s convenient!”  When something is convenient it requires less time and/or work.  In essence, convenience really means easier.  Who doesn’t want easier?   So convenience is a good thing, right?  Not necessarily - especially when doing the “easy thing” trumps doing the “right thing.”
   

Sometimes it’s more convenient for us to conceal the truth instead of telling the truth (the right thing).

Sometimes it’s more convenient for us to turn a blind eye to a person in need instead of offering assistance (the right thing).

Sometimes it’s more convenient for us to make excuses instead of accepting responsibility (the right thing).

Sometimes it’s more convenient for us to avoid challenges instead of confronting them head on (the right thing).

You see, the right thing is usually not the convenient thing.   Most often, the right thing is the hard thing.  It requires more time, effort and work on your part.
  

Understand that if you choose convenience over doing the right thing it will come at a cost to you.  Choosing the convenient thing over the right thing compromises your values and when you compromise your values, you begin to damage your character.  Ralph Waldo Emerson once said. “No change in circumstances can repair a defect in character.  Hence, when making a choice always remember this - the right thing will always be the right thing!   Choose wisely!

It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it!

MJD

Two Primary Choices

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”

- Denis Waitley

 ***30-Second Timeout Talk: 

Only two choices!  Well, that should make it easy then.  Having options is nice, but too many options can be overwhelming and complicated.  In some cases, it can lead to excessive frustration and no decision being made over the concern of making the right decision. 

So back to the “two primary choices in life.”  It really makes life easy!  When having to make a choice about changing something in your life, look at what is within your control.  For those things that are beyond your control, accept the conditions as they exist.  For those things that are within your control, accept the responsibility for changing them.”   Far too many people experience frustration, unhappiness, and depression because they exert their time and energy trying to fix things that are beyond their control.   Remember, it’s a losing proposition right from the start!  So, if a change is needed, examine what you can control and go to work on making the change.  It’s within your control so the odds are definitely in your favor!  You just have to do the work. 

So team, as you continue on in this game of life, I ask that for today you:  1) identify one thing in your life that you want to change and that you have control over and then commit to doing the work necessary for the change;  and 2)  identify one thing in your life that is outside of your control that you been trying to change (without any success) and cease all efforts in trying to make a change (if you need some help, stop trying to change another person – that doesn’t work!) Choose wisely and give it your best!

It's your life: live it, love it, & celebrate it!
MJD    

The Over/Under Paradox

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”

- Truman Capote

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I’ve had the privilege of coaching young men and woman for over 35 years.  I constantly hear my colleagues say that kids have changed over the years; “they’re just not the same.”  Yes, kids have changed!  They live in a different world now.

One of the biggest changes I have seen in coaching is the amount of pressure that is put on young athletes and the manner in which they handle the pressure.   Research has demonstrated that children and adolescents are showing symptoms of high anxiety and depression now more than ever. 

So where is the pressure coming from?  In my opinion, it's not coming from the coaches; it’s coming from the home.  Now more than ever, children are pushed and expected to succeed in every aspect of their lives.  Their lives are controlled by a schedule adopted by parents that have them into all kinds of activities to ensure that they will become a “success” in something. From sunup to sundown, children move from one regulated activity to the next.  The one thing missing from the schedule is “time to be a kid.”  To further exacerbate the problem, these very kids who are pushed to the limit live with overprotected parents.   When the child experiences a problem, be it little or big, mom and/or dad come rushing into solve the problem.   Hence, these kids don’t get a chance to develop critical problem solving skills and conflict resolution skills.  Instead, often times they develop deflective and blaming tendencies.

These high-pressure and overprotective parents create what I call the “Over/Under Paradox.”  Parents want their children to overachieve, but they do so by overwhelming them and overprotecting them at that same time.  With high expectations to succeed, problems, conflict and hardship are inevitable.   Living with the “over” created by their parents, children have underdeveloped coping skills to handle the pressure that goes along with the requirement to succeed.   The very parent that tries to protect the child from failure is the same parent pushing the child to succeed.  Parents take note: Dale Carnegie said, “Develop success from failures.  Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to success.”

Just think about an “over/under” child, living in the adult world; still living with high parental expectation for success and has not develop the necessary problem solving skills and coping skills to  tackle the problems associated with becoming successful in the adult world.   I write this not to criticize parents.  I write this as a coach, who has witnessed a change in kids.  In my humble view, parents have always held high expectations for their children.  Most parents have always wanted and seen their children better off than themselves.  The difference I see with parents today is the “over;” the overwhelming and the overprotecting.   My advice to parents “let kids be kids.”  Sure, it’s totally appropriate to have high expectations for your children.  Just remember, kids will make mistakes, they’re supposed to.  It’s all a part of figuring out life.  The key is to let them sort it out, not you.  Children learn the most when you allow them to make the most from their failure.  Remember it was Truman Capote, who once said, “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

MJD

Choice not Chance!

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."

 - Martha Washington



*** 30-Second Timeout Talk:

The first, First Lady tells us the that the key to happiness is a choice. Just think, the life of a colonist in the 18th century pales in comparison to the modern conveniences we enjoy today. Life was hard! Not only were Martha’s circumstances difficult, she also experienced significant personal tragedies. Her first husband died and two of her children all died within a period of 4 years when she was in her early to mid-twenties. From her circumstances, Martha Washington learned it’s not what happens to you that counts, it’s how you think and respond to what happens that really counts.

We will all experience good days and bad days, good situations and bad situations. It’s all a part of our human nature. Having a choice is also a part of our human nature. So, the good news is the situations we find ourselves don’t dictate our happiness; we dictate our happiness. It’s called having a choice! So choose happy!

It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it!
MJD

Be Good To Yourself

“You're walkin' a high wire,
Caught in a crossfire,
Oh be good to yourself”

- Journey (Be Good to Yourself – 1986)

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Be good to yourself!  Being good to yourself is not selfish; it’s not about self-pity; and, it surely isn’t about being self-obsessed.  It’s about being kind to you.  It means acknowledging and accepting our imperfect human conditions: physical, mental and emotional.   It means that as humans we are not always going to get it right so it is imperative that we forgive ourselves.  Being good to yourself is about practicing compassion; self-compassion!

Compassion thwarts the throes of judgment and evaluation and embodies the characteristics of kindness and acceptance.  If we can treat our mistakes, misgivings and miscalculations with kindness, we put ourselves in a better position to learn from the errors of the past, which fosters growth.   Being overly self-critical on the other hand inhibits learning and growth.  It fosters judgment and evaluation of the person as a whole and not the specific action or inaction of the person.  A harshly, self-critical person begins to think they are “not capable” and/or they are “not worthy.”   Bear in mind that thoughts produce feelings, and feelings produce beliefs.  When someone believes that they are “not capable” and/or are “not worthy,” hope begins to wane.   And, without hope, people become indifferent and settle for as is.

So, it is imperative that you stop the self-judgment, self-evaluation, and self-beating and be good to yourself!  Disappointment, adversity, and hardship are akin to the human condition.  Not one of us is immune to it.  Being good yourself is a mental and emotional state that you have control over.   You have heard it said before, “It’s not what happens to you, but how your respond to what happens to you that counts.”   When you’re good to yourself you’re promoting mental and emotional health.  So, make it a habit.  It’s something that can be learned, practiced and developed.   So in the words of the band Journey, “Be good to yourself!”

-MJD

It’s your life; live it, love it & celebrate it!

86,400

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow.” 

- Mahatma Gandhi –

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In 2009 Kris Allen released, Live Like We’re Dying.  Allen tells us, “You only got 86,400 seconds in the day to turn it all around or to throw it all away.”  What does it mean to live like you’re dying?  It means the present moment is the only thing that is assured.  Nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow.  So live in the present moment!

How does one live like they’re dying?  They live and find the peace and beauty in the present moment.  They truly are with the people they are with.  They don’t allow intrusions from our “connected” world.  They connect with the people they are with.  They’re not distracted by a wandering mind that focuses on the past or what’s next.  The present moment is all that matters.   They look for the beauty that nature offers.  They understand that nature’s splendor has a profound impact on the senses and is a gateway to possessing a peaceful mind.  So, find beauty in people, places, and things and live like you’re dying!   

Living like you’re dying means we take calculated risks in order to learn about ourselves, grow from the experience and we become the person we were meant to be.  It means we take calculated risks and engage in those activities that we’ve always thought about doing but never had enough courage and/or time to do.  So, step out of your comfort zone and live like you’re dying.

Living like you’re dying means that we forgive.  It means forgiving ourselves for what we’ve done and/or what we should have done.  It means forgiving others for what they did or didn’t do. It means letting go of the past.  When you live in the moment, the past has no power over you.  As long as you feel regret, harbor resentment, hold grudges, and remain bitter you remain a prisoner of the past.  Being a prisoner of the past does not allow you to live in the present moment.  So, forgive and live like you’re dying.
 

Finally, living like you’re dying means that we are grateful to the Lord above for providing to us all at that is good and that we keep our “eye on the prize (the promise).”

It’s true that we only have 86,400 seconds in a day and that there will come a time for all us when there will be no more seconds or days.  So make the very best of the time you have and live like you're dying.

It’s your life: live it (like you're dying), love it, and celebrate it!
MJD

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