Be Good To Yourself

“You're walkin' a high wire,
Caught in a crossfire,
Oh be good to yourself”

- Journey (Be Good to Yourself – 1986)

***
Be good to yourself!  Being good to yourself is not selfish; it’s not about self-pity; and, it surely isn’t about being self-obsessed.  It’s about being kind to you.  It means acknowledging and accepting our imperfect human conditions: physical, mental and emotional.   It means that as humans we are not always going to get it right so it is imperative that we forgive ourselves.  Being good to yourself is about practicing compassion; self-compassion!

Compassion thwarts the throes of judgment and evaluation and embodies the characteristics of kindness and acceptance.  If we can treat our mistakes, misgivings and miscalculations with kindness, we put ourselves in a better position to learn from the errors of the past, which fosters growth.   Being overly self-critical on the other hand inhibits learning and growth.  It fosters judgment and evaluation of the person as a whole and not the specific action or inaction of the person.  A harshly, self-critical person begins to think they are “not capable” and/or they are “not worthy.”   Bear in mind that thoughts produce feelings, and feelings produce beliefs.  When someone believes that they are “not capable” and/or are “not worthy,” hope begins to wane.   And, without hope, people become indifferent and settle for as is.

So, it is imperative that you stop the self-judgment, self-evaluation, and self-beating and be good to yourself!  Disappointment, adversity, and hardship are akin to the human condition.  Not one of us is immune to it.  Being good yourself is a mental and emotional state that you have control over.   You have heard it said before, “It’s not what happens to you, but how your respond to what happens to you that counts.”   When you’re good to yourself you’re promoting mental and emotional health.  So, make it a habit.  It’s something that can be learned, practiced and developed.   So in the words of the band Journey, “Be good to yourself!”

-MJD

It’s your life; live it, love it & celebrate it!

86,400

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow.” 

- Mahatma Gandhi –

***

In 2009 Kris Allen released, Live Like We’re Dying.  Allen tells us, “You only got 86,400 seconds in the day to turn it all around or to throw it all away.”  What does it mean to live like you’re dying?  It means the present moment is the only thing that is assured.  Nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow.  So live in the present moment!

How does one live like they’re dying?  They live and find the peace and beauty in the present moment.  They truly are with the people they are with.  They don’t allow intrusions from our “connected” world.  They connect with the people they are with.  They’re not distracted by a wandering mind that focuses on the past or what’s next.  The present moment is all that matters.   They look for the beauty that nature offers.  They understand that nature’s splendor has a profound impact on the senses and is a gateway to possessing a peaceful mind.  So, find beauty in people, places, and things and live like you’re dying!   

Living like you’re dying means we take calculated risks in order to learn about ourselves, grow from the experience and we become the person we were meant to be.  It means we take calculated risks and engage in those activities that we’ve always thought about doing but never had enough courage and/or time to do.  So, step out of your comfort zone and live like you’re dying.

Living like you’re dying means that we forgive.  It means forgiving ourselves for what we’ve done and/or what we should have done.  It means forgiving others for what they did or didn’t do. It means letting go of the past.  When you live in the moment, the past has no power over you.  As long as you feel regret, harbor resentment, hold grudges, and remain bitter you remain a prisoner of the past.  Being a prisoner of the past does not allow you to live in the present moment.  So, forgive and live like you’re dying.
 

Finally, living like you’re dying means that we are grateful to the Lord above for providing to us all at that is good and that we keep our “eye on the prize (the promise).”

It’s true that we only have 86,400 seconds in a day and that there will come a time for all us when there will be no more seconds or days.  So make the very best of the time you have and live like you're dying.

It’s your life: live it (like you're dying), love it, and celebrate it!
MJD

***

An Opportunity for Opportunites

“In the middle of every difficulty…comes opportunity.
- Albert Einstein

***

POINT TO PONDER:

Adversity and problems are a part of life!  Are life problems really problems or could they offer us something?  Could our problems be opportunities in disguise?   If so, how could one ever find opportunity in the midst of adversity? Opportunity’s genesis comes from facing problems with faith, patience, and doing the work!
 

One must have faith that something good will come from adversity.  If you look back upon troubling times in your life, in every case you should be able to identify a life lesson that presented itself, an area of personal growth and development that occurred, and/or doors that were opened as a result of the adversity you endured.  One must be patient.  Most times, opportunities that spawn from adversity will not present itself for days, weeks, or even years to come.  Finally, one must do the work!  Thomas Edison said, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”  It’s not until you are in the midst of solving your problem (doing the work) that opportunity will have a chance to come your way.
 

When one is suffering through adversity how does one maintain faith, patience and the strength to do the work?  Here’s a little advice – Reach Out!  Reach out to family and friends, and most importantly, reach out to the Good Lord above.  Instead of telling people how big your problems are – tell them how big your God is.  When you tell people how big your God is you’re putting your trust in him and demonstrating steadfast faith - faith that something good will indeed come.  In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told, “For every season there is a purpose under heaven.”  The verses continue on to tell us we will experience both good times and bad times; yet, both do have a purpose.  Finally, you have to do the work!  The Good Lord has equipped you with talent and abilities to overcome any and all adversity.  He has giving you all that you need – you just have to be willing to do the work! 

Always remember, adversity becomes an opportunity for opportunities! 

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

***

Your Eulogy

“When wealth is lost nothing is lost.  When character is lost all is lost.”
- Billy Graham

***
Unfortunately, I have been to a number of funeral/memorial services in my lifetime.  How many times have you heard that a funeral/memorial service is intended to be a celebration of the life of the decedent?  It is through the eulogy that one’s life is examined and celebrated.   A eulogy is typically an oration honoring the decedent.  The honor focuses on the character of the person.  Rarely will your hear stories about of the material things in their life.  Things like money, houses, trophies, and awards, just to name a few, all become insignificant.   The things that you can’t take with you into the next life all become meaningless.
  

I was taught at a very young age that anything that you possess can be taken away from you, except your character.  It’s your character that you and you alone possess.  It’s your character that you’re responsible for and must safeguard.  At the time of death, everything is taken away, except your character.  Hence, your character will be the only thing that you will take with you into your next life. 

It is only fitting that as we honor our loved one we don’t speak of the meaningless things in their life.  They are honored by speaking of things that really mean something – things that transcends one life to the next.  We hear stories about love, kindness, gentleness.  We hear phrases like, “an awesome father,” “a loving mother,” or “my best friend.”   We hear words like “giving,” “dedicated,” and “loyal.”

My question to you:  When it comes time for your eulogy will it be like the reading of a resume and a financial statement?  If so, it is because you decided to spend more time building a resume and wealth than you did building character.  Nobody knows what our next life holds.  We do know that there is only one thing that we take with us and that is our character.  Therefore, all of us should be engaged in doing things that enhance our character.  Not only so we are well-equipped for our next journey, but it’s the right thing to do!   When we become a better person, we become a better spouse, parent, child, relative, friend, neighbor, employee – the list goes on.   When you become a better person, you make those around you better and the world becomes a better place.   Talk about a win-win situation all around: you become better, others become better and the world becomes better – that’s pretty tough to beat!

It’s your life: live it, love it, & celebrate it!
MJD

A Vicious Circle

"We first make our attitudes; then, our attitudes make us."
-- Dennis Waitley

***

Chances are you know a few people with a bad attitude.  They believe that life is neither fair nor kind.  They don't understand their "bad" life is a direct result of their bad attitude.  They would rather blame fate, circumstances, and others for their lot in life. Since they believe they are not responsible for their situation, they don't feel they need to change.  Hence, the bad attitude creates the "bad" life and the "bad" life reinforces the bad attitude.  It is a vicious circle!!

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

With Age Comes ...

“With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.”

― Oscar Wilde

***

With age come wrinkles!  With age come those little aches and pains.  Experts tell us that eyesight and hearing are the first of the senses to go.  In essence, with aging we experience a slow deterioration of bodily functions.  Deterioration doesn't seem like a very promising word.  According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, “aging” is a “Gradual change in an organism that leads to increased risk of weakness, disease, and death.”   The definition goes on, but enough said about that!  

I’m one of those people that happen to believe that there is always some good in everything.  So what do you get from aging that might be considered good?   With aging comes wisdom, or at least it should!    Really!  All you get is wisdom!  Hardly seems like a fair trade for deteriorating bodily functions, weakness, disease, and ….   Seriously, who really wants to lose their hair, their teeth, their senses, and in some instances, their memory (did I already mention that!)?  But wait, wisdom has a way of enhancing us spiritually, emotionally and soulfully.  

Wilde said, “With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.”  Don’t be one of those people who grow older, but not wiser.  You have to be open to receive the gift of wisdom that comes from aging.  Wisdom comes from experience, and the thoughtful reflection and analysis of the experience. 

With age comes tolerance and with tolerance comes wisdom:  The longer you live, the more you’ll experience.  You’ll be exposed to a variety of different people, cultures, and lifestyles.   Take the opportunity to embrace all people from all walks-of-life and respect and appreciate the differences.   The more you know about the world and the people in it know the wiser you become! 

With age comes perseverance and with perseverance comes wisdom:  The longer you live, the more adversity you’ll encounter.  Adversity is full of lessons:  lessons about you, lessons about others, and lessons about the world.  It takes perseverance to survive in the face of adversity.  Think of the adversity that you have encountered in your life, be it big or small; you persevered, made it through, and learned a lesson or two.  The more you persevere the more lessons you learn and the more lessons you learn the wiser you become!  

With age comes self-acceptance and with self-acceptance comes wisdom:  The longer you live, the less you care about what others think about you.  The contrast and comparison of yourself with others becomes fleeting when you age.  Experience has taught you that what you think of yourself is far more important that what others think of you.  When you learn to accept and love yourself, despite your imperfections and shortcomings, you’re being you!  And, there is a lot to be gained from being true to you!   

With age comes a better understanding of what’s important in life and with that better understanding comes wisdom:  When we’re younger we tend to be guided by societal and cultural norms.  Society tells us what’s important.    Age we age, we become less concerned with the dictates of society and more concerned with what’s really important to us.   We learn through loss that nothing last forever and the only thing we really own is our souls.   We’re not as concerned with the past or the future.  We learn to live in the moment.  Living in the moment allows us to extract all of the love and the beauty from the moment.  We learn to focus on what we have and not what we don’t have.   We learn that the secret to having it all is the knowledge that you already do. Experience is the great teacher!  There’s true wisdom in knowing what are the important things in life.   

Remember, with age comes wisdom or at least it should!   By the grace of the Good Lord, thus far, I have lived 19,046 days on this wonderful planet.  Knowing what I know now – I’d rather be old and wise than young and foolish – any day!   

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

Weathering the Storm

“Life’s roughest storms prove the strength of our anchors.”
-unknown

***

Mother Nature put on a pretty spectacular night show last night.  Last night’s show definitely awakened the senses and me for that matter!  The sky lit up brilliantly with flashes of lighting and the booming thunder continued to echo into the early morning hours.  For some, storms can create a feeling of uneasiness.  For others, storms can be downright terrifying.  Some storms come through without creating any damage; others come wreaking havoc.   Storms come and go, eventually they give way to calm, peaceful weather.  It doesn’t matter if a storm is just a light rain shower or a storm is of tornadic intensity, all storms come and they go!  The main point is that they always go away.
  

Failure, disappointment, rejection, and hurt are the storms that we all face in life’s journey.  There are many different life storms.  Some are like a light rain that creates a minor inconvenience for us; some are like a supercell  storm that produces hail, torrential downpours, dangerously high winds and can spawn tornado, leaving us to clean up its aftermath; and other storms are anywhere in between.
    

The storms we all endure are a part of life.  Some storms come with advanced warning, while others   roll in upon us without much notice.   Some of life’s storms are beyond our control; others are within our control.  Unlike Mother Nature who has complete control over when she decides to unleash her fury, some of the storms in our journey, we are responsible for creating.   Our attitude about life and our circumstances, and the decision we make, are capable of producing a storm.  If we want to minimize the number of storms in our lives, we need to examine our lives and determine what might be causing our storms.   Is it our attitude?  Is it who we associate with?  Is it our self-image?  Is it a self-defeating behavior/habit?   A positive attitude, positive associations, a positive self-image, and positive habits will lead to calmer and sunnier days on life’s journey.   It all starts with the way you think.  If you want to minimize the number of storms you encounter, then you must change the way you think; negative thinking produces storms, positive thinking produces sunshine.
  

For those times when a storm rolls in and it doesn’t seem like it will ever pass, try calling on the man, whom the winds and sea obey his command.   The Good Book tells us that the Lord was asleep in a boat, accompanied by his disciples, when a violent storm came upon them.  Terrified, the disciples awakened the Lord.  He said to them, “Why are you so terrified, ye of little faith.”  Then, he rebuked the winds and the sea and there was great calm (Matthew  8:26).  Remember, the Good Lord is with you during each and every storm you encounter.  He will not abandon you.  Have faith in him, for soon you too will experience “great calm.”

It’s your life: live it, love it, & celebrate it!
MJD