"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
-- Lewis B. Smedes
***
There is a story about two friends, named Steven and Saul. One day, they were walking through the desert and an argument ensued. The argument became so heated that Steven slapped Saul in the face. Without saying another word, Saul bent down and wrote in the sand, “Today my best friend slapped me in the face.”
The two continued their walk until they came upon an oasis. Deciding to take a swim, Saul found himself caught up in the mire and started to drown. Steven raced over to Saul, pulled him from the mire, and saved his life. After recovering from the near drowning experience, Saul found a large stone and wrote upon it, “Today my best friend saved my life.”
Steven, being perplexed, asked Saul, “After I hurt you earlier today, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"
Saul responded, "When we have been hurt by someone it should be written in the sand where the winds of forgiveness will blow and erase it away. But, when someone has done good favor for us, we should engrave it upon a stone where it shall remain forever.”
How about you, when you have been hurt, do you write the hurt in the sand or on upon a stone? When someone does something nice for you, do you write the good deed upon a stone or in the sand? Far too many do the opposite of Saul’s lesson. They quickly forget the good; yet, hold onto the hurt for a lifetime.
When you hold onto the hurt, you are not in a position to grow. Holding on is the opposite of letting go. You can not change or grow if you’re intent upon staying the same; intent upon holding on. Real healing and growth can only take place when you let go. Holding on is self-sabotaging behavior. It ensures that the hurt keeps hurting and only serves to perpetuate bitterness, anger and /or depression.
Sure, bad things happen and you may have been the victim of someone’s anger, rudeness, insensitivity, or cruelty. They made you a victim by there actions, but you have kept yourself a victim by engraving the hurt upon stones and carry the stones around with you. Some of us are carrying around so many stones that it becomes difficult to function on a daily basis. Remember, the hurtful stones will continue to keep us in the past and and living in hurtful past is like a thief; robbing us of the present and stealing away our future.
Today is the day to begin casting away the hurtful stones of the past. You are not ready to cast until you are ready to forgive. Don’t let the stones serve as a reminder of the past any longer. The “Good Book” tells us “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32).
I ask you to be committed to writing your hurts in the sand and good deeds done unto you upon the stones! Mahatma Gandhi reminds us, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
***
It is your life: Live it, Love it & Celebrate it!
MJD
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Give and Take
"A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses."
-- Chinese Proverb
***
You have probably heard a hundred times before that a relationship should be “give and take.”
I’m not sold on the concept of “give and take.” The concept promotes the expectation of receiving something (take) from what you give. Giving should be from the heart, because it is the right thing to do. If you are not giving from the heart, then you are actually engaged in the taking process. Taking is self-centered. When someone decides to give because they feel guilty, they are not giving from the heart. They are giving to feel less uncomfortable, less guilty. Hence, they are engaged in the taking process. Their giving is about them getting something out of it; less guilt.
Worse yet is giving with the expectation of receiving something from somebody in return. When you are motivated to give because you expect something in return, you are taking. You might convince yourself that you are giver, but you are not. In fact, you are manipulator; you manipulate a circumstance so that you can be a taker.
The Great Teacher said, “It is blessed to give than to receive.” To be blessed means to be highly favored or fortunate. The root word of fortunate is fortune. And, to have a fortune is to have much. Your fortune may not be made up of material things. No, your fortune will be made up of something much more valuable; character. Character is the one thing that no one can take away from you. The late John Wooden said, “You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”
So enough with the “give and take” philosophy; Rather, adopt the “give and be blessed” philosophy. If you are in a give and take relationship, it implies that a score is being kept; “I’ve done this much giving, it is about my turn to take.” It is time to throw away the scorecards. Give without the expectation of anything in return and you will get more than you could ever imagine.
***
It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it!
MJD
-- Chinese Proverb
***
You have probably heard a hundred times before that a relationship should be “give and take.”
I’m not sold on the concept of “give and take.” The concept promotes the expectation of receiving something (take) from what you give. Giving should be from the heart, because it is the right thing to do. If you are not giving from the heart, then you are actually engaged in the taking process. Taking is self-centered. When someone decides to give because they feel guilty, they are not giving from the heart. They are giving to feel less uncomfortable, less guilty. Hence, they are engaged in the taking process. Their giving is about them getting something out of it; less guilt.
Worse yet is giving with the expectation of receiving something from somebody in return. When you are motivated to give because you expect something in return, you are taking. You might convince yourself that you are giver, but you are not. In fact, you are manipulator; you manipulate a circumstance so that you can be a taker.
The Great Teacher said, “It is blessed to give than to receive.” To be blessed means to be highly favored or fortunate. The root word of fortunate is fortune. And, to have a fortune is to have much. Your fortune may not be made up of material things. No, your fortune will be made up of something much more valuable; character. Character is the one thing that no one can take away from you. The late John Wooden said, “You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”
So enough with the “give and take” philosophy; Rather, adopt the “give and be blessed” philosophy. If you are in a give and take relationship, it implies that a score is being kept; “I’ve done this much giving, it is about my turn to take.” It is time to throw away the scorecards. Give without the expectation of anything in return and you will get more than you could ever imagine.
***
It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it!
MJD
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Copycat, Copycat!
"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."
-- Sir Issac Newton
***
As a child, if you imitated somebody else, you were called a “copycat.” As an adult, if you imitate someone, you can be perceived as lacking originality. It has been said that imitation is the best form of flattery. So if imitation is so flattering, why does a “copycat” get a bad wrap?
I must admit, I am a “copycat.” I perfected the art of being a copycat early in my coaching career. I made it a point to observe and study successful coaches at every level. I had a journal and took lots of notes. I wrote down everything from speeches to mannerisms. I recorded strategies, styles and philosophies. I figured that if they were successful, I could be too; I just had to learn how. In order to learn the how, I needed a mentor. Someone I could watch, talk to, listen to, and ask questions. I needed to someone who could advise, direct, criticize, compliment and counsel. I was fortunate to have a mentor that was successful and so well respected that upon his retirement, school officials named the gymnasium in his honor. My mentor was my dad.
If you want to excel at something, it is wise to try and replicate the behavior of someone who has already excelled at a desired behavior. However, simply imitating the behavior is not enough. There are the intangibles qualities, such as leadership, work ethic, discipline, perseverance, and integrity to name a few. You can imitate or copy the behavior all you want; you can even eat, walk and talk like someone else, but without the intangibles, your success will be fleeting and elusive. Simply copying someone’s behavior is not enough to become successful. You must learn the intangibles. How do you learn and develop the intangible skills? You find yourself a mentor. Absorb all you can from your mentor and apply it with your own unique talents, skills, and abilities.
Many of us have identified a goal (resolution) for 2011. If you have not, make one now. Once you have clearly defined your goal, identify one person who has already been successful in that area. Step out of your comfort zone and ask the person if they would be willing to mentor you. I’m betting that they will agree to be your mentor. Most people who have obtained successful results are more than willing show others the way. Remember, imitation is the best form of flattery. Become a student and study everything about them. Don’t just copy what they have done. Ask questions. Work on developing the skills, both tangible and intangible, that your mentor tells you are critical for successful results. It is not necessary to reinvent the wheel. Rather, take advantage of the wisdom and experience of someone who has achieved success.
Just about every successful person who ever walked the face of the earth had someone who mentored them. I once heard it said, “Your mentor’s hindsight can become your foresight.” That really is something to think about!
***
It’s your life: Live it, Love it, & Celebrate it
MJD
-- Sir Issac Newton
***
As a child, if you imitated somebody else, you were called a “copycat.” As an adult, if you imitate someone, you can be perceived as lacking originality. It has been said that imitation is the best form of flattery. So if imitation is so flattering, why does a “copycat” get a bad wrap?
I must admit, I am a “copycat.” I perfected the art of being a copycat early in my coaching career. I made it a point to observe and study successful coaches at every level. I had a journal and took lots of notes. I wrote down everything from speeches to mannerisms. I recorded strategies, styles and philosophies. I figured that if they were successful, I could be too; I just had to learn how. In order to learn the how, I needed a mentor. Someone I could watch, talk to, listen to, and ask questions. I needed to someone who could advise, direct, criticize, compliment and counsel. I was fortunate to have a mentor that was successful and so well respected that upon his retirement, school officials named the gymnasium in his honor. My mentor was my dad.
If you want to excel at something, it is wise to try and replicate the behavior of someone who has already excelled at a desired behavior. However, simply imitating the behavior is not enough. There are the intangibles qualities, such as leadership, work ethic, discipline, perseverance, and integrity to name a few. You can imitate or copy the behavior all you want; you can even eat, walk and talk like someone else, but without the intangibles, your success will be fleeting and elusive. Simply copying someone’s behavior is not enough to become successful. You must learn the intangibles. How do you learn and develop the intangible skills? You find yourself a mentor. Absorb all you can from your mentor and apply it with your own unique talents, skills, and abilities.
Many of us have identified a goal (resolution) for 2011. If you have not, make one now. Once you have clearly defined your goal, identify one person who has already been successful in that area. Step out of your comfort zone and ask the person if they would be willing to mentor you. I’m betting that they will agree to be your mentor. Most people who have obtained successful results are more than willing show others the way. Remember, imitation is the best form of flattery. Become a student and study everything about them. Don’t just copy what they have done. Ask questions. Work on developing the skills, both tangible and intangible, that your mentor tells you are critical for successful results. It is not necessary to reinvent the wheel. Rather, take advantage of the wisdom and experience of someone who has achieved success.
Just about every successful person who ever walked the face of the earth had someone who mentored them. I once heard it said, “Your mentor’s hindsight can become your foresight.” That really is something to think about!
***
It’s your life: Live it, Love it, & Celebrate it
MJD
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Be Careful What You Ask For
Be careful of what you set your heart on, for it will surely be yours.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
***
Feelings and thoughts will determine our actions. Your heart serves as an interchange between thoughts and feelings. Thus, the heart becomes a powerful mechanism for determining what you get in life. Emerson's quote is much like the popular quote, "Be careful what you ask for." How many times have you wanted something so badly, only to be disappointed with the outcome? It’s likely that heart was misaligned with your value system. Our values are those things that we deem important, and should influence our behavior. Unfortunately, this is not always so. We are often influenced by the media, popular culture or others who do not have our best interest at heart. These influences propel us to go after the things we think are important to us, yet are inconsistent with our value system. We may get what we want, but often we are left feeling empty and shallow.
What are the costs when one searches for something that is inconsistent with their values: anxiety, depression and disappointment? How can one be content or happy with a result that is incongruent with what they deem as important? Picture the man who claims to value family life, but spends the majority of his waking hours at work. How can he be content or happy? Or, picture the woman who claims to value her faith, but spends little time practicing it. Can she be content or happy? Does the man really value his family? Does the woman really value her faith? Perhaps, but it is likely the man and woman are allowing outside sources to influence their value system. Often times, the influence starts subtle, but over a period of time, the outside sources take root in your life and sabotage your values.
When we lose focus of our core values, the outside influences can surely bring about unintended consequences. A powerful example of this is the betrayal of Jesus by Judas Iscariot. Judas’ love of money prompted him to betray Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. The “Good Book” tells us that once Judas had realized what he had done, he was filled with remorse and tried to return the money. After the chief priests threw Judas out of the temple, he went off and hanged himself. Judas had set his heart on acquiring money. He got wanted he wanted, but did not like the person that he had become.
With a new year upon us, this is a good time to spend some time reflecting on what is really important to you. Make a list of your values. Next, take a look back at 2010 and determine if your actions are consistent with your values. If your actions and values are inconsistent, make a list of the things that you can do to bring your actions in line with your values.
Be careful what you ask for – you just might get it. Remember, you’ll never be disappointed if you stay true to your values.
***
It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it!
MJD
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
***
Feelings and thoughts will determine our actions. Your heart serves as an interchange between thoughts and feelings. Thus, the heart becomes a powerful mechanism for determining what you get in life. Emerson's quote is much like the popular quote, "Be careful what you ask for." How many times have you wanted something so badly, only to be disappointed with the outcome? It’s likely that heart was misaligned with your value system. Our values are those things that we deem important, and should influence our behavior. Unfortunately, this is not always so. We are often influenced by the media, popular culture or others who do not have our best interest at heart. These influences propel us to go after the things we think are important to us, yet are inconsistent with our value system. We may get what we want, but often we are left feeling empty and shallow.
What are the costs when one searches for something that is inconsistent with their values: anxiety, depression and disappointment? How can one be content or happy with a result that is incongruent with what they deem as important? Picture the man who claims to value family life, but spends the majority of his waking hours at work. How can he be content or happy? Or, picture the woman who claims to value her faith, but spends little time practicing it. Can she be content or happy? Does the man really value his family? Does the woman really value her faith? Perhaps, but it is likely the man and woman are allowing outside sources to influence their value system. Often times, the influence starts subtle, but over a period of time, the outside sources take root in your life and sabotage your values.
When we lose focus of our core values, the outside influences can surely bring about unintended consequences. A powerful example of this is the betrayal of Jesus by Judas Iscariot. Judas’ love of money prompted him to betray Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. The “Good Book” tells us that once Judas had realized what he had done, he was filled with remorse and tried to return the money. After the chief priests threw Judas out of the temple, he went off and hanged himself. Judas had set his heart on acquiring money. He got wanted he wanted, but did not like the person that he had become.
With a new year upon us, this is a good time to spend some time reflecting on what is really important to you. Make a list of your values. Next, take a look back at 2010 and determine if your actions are consistent with your values. If your actions and values are inconsistent, make a list of the things that you can do to bring your actions in line with your values.
Be careful what you ask for – you just might get it. Remember, you’ll never be disappointed if you stay true to your values.
***
It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it!
MJD
Friday, January 7, 2011
Money Can't Buy
If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy.
--Ancient Proverb
***
Why is it we place so much value on the things that money can buy and not on the really important things in life; the things that money can’t buy?
Money can buy you a house, but can’t buy you a home.
Money can buy you an acquaintance, but can’t buy you a true friend.
Money can buy you style, but can't buy you character.
Money can buy you a good time, but can’t buy you peace of mind.
Money can buy you possessions, but can’t buy you respect.
Money can buy you “the best seat in the house,” but it can’t buy you a place in heaven.
Zig Ziglar said, ”You can get everything money will buy without a lick of character, but you can't get any of the things money won't buy without character.”
This year make it a resolution to spend more time acquiring all the things that money can’t buy. It is far better to be rich in character, than rich in the pocketbook!
***
It's your life: Live it, Love it & Celebrate it!
MJD
--Ancient Proverb
***
Why is it we place so much value on the things that money can buy and not on the really important things in life; the things that money can’t buy?
Money can buy you a house, but can’t buy you a home.
Money can buy you an acquaintance, but can’t buy you a true friend.
Money can buy you style, but can't buy you character.
Money can buy you a good time, but can’t buy you peace of mind.
Money can buy you possessions, but can’t buy you respect.
Money can buy you “the best seat in the house,” but it can’t buy you a place in heaven.
Zig Ziglar said, ”You can get everything money will buy without a lick of character, but you can't get any of the things money won't buy without character.”
This year make it a resolution to spend more time acquiring all the things that money can’t buy. It is far better to be rich in character, than rich in the pocketbook!
***
It's your life: Live it, Love it & Celebrate it!
MJD
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
To Change, To Grow & To Live
If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.
-- Gail Sheehy
***
To change is to grow, and to grow is to live. If you are not growing, then you simply exist.
When you simply exist you are living your life at an inferior level; inferior because you are not living to your full potential. Why don’t we live to our full potential? It is because we become comfortable with our existence. Challenges and risks make us uncomfortable and it is so much easier to stay where we are at in life. The problem is just that; we stay exactly where we are at. How much more could we become, if we were willing to change, to grow, to live?
Erma Bombeck said, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,‘I used everything you gave me.’” You will never be able to use every bit of talent you have until you actually discover every bit of talent that you possess. The discovery comes about from a willingness to change, to grow and to live. .
A New Years resolution is about change – it is doing something different, it is doing something in a different way, or it is not doing something any longer. Nonetheless, it is about change; it is about growing and living
I wonder how many talents you have that have yet to have been discovered. Mark Twain once said, ” "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
I encourage you to make 2011 a year where you are no longer content to just exist. Make 2011 a year where you are willing to change, to grow, to live.
***
It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it
MJD
-- Gail Sheehy
***
To change is to grow, and to grow is to live. If you are not growing, then you simply exist.
When you simply exist you are living your life at an inferior level; inferior because you are not living to your full potential. Why don’t we live to our full potential? It is because we become comfortable with our existence. Challenges and risks make us uncomfortable and it is so much easier to stay where we are at in life. The problem is just that; we stay exactly where we are at. How much more could we become, if we were willing to change, to grow, to live?
Erma Bombeck said, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,‘I used everything you gave me.’” You will never be able to use every bit of talent you have until you actually discover every bit of talent that you possess. The discovery comes about from a willingness to change, to grow and to live. .
A New Years resolution is about change – it is doing something different, it is doing something in a different way, or it is not doing something any longer. Nonetheless, it is about change; it is about growing and living
I wonder how many talents you have that have yet to have been discovered. Mark Twain once said, ” "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
I encourage you to make 2011 a year where you are no longer content to just exist. Make 2011 a year where you are willing to change, to grow, to live.
***
It's Your Life: Live it, Love it, Celebrate it
MJD
Monday, January 3, 2011
Healing a Wound
“I’ve learned that love, not time, heals all wounds.”
-- Andy Rooney
I know people who have been carrying around a grudge for a long time. Time has not healed their wounds. Somebody said something, did not say something, did something or did not do something that has forever changed a relationship. People expect that time will take care of things. It does not! Time does not heal. Time has a way of repressing things, but the hurt, disappointment, and/or rejection never really go away.
Time by itself does not heal a wound. The prescription for healing a wound is the right amount of time and a strong dose of love. If you feel that you have been done wrong by someone, you’ll never fully heal until you find it in your heart to forgive. True forgiveness is an act of love. I do not subscribe to the old cliché “forgive and forget.” You may never forget the act, but if you truly forgive the person, the act becomes insignificant.
We’ve have said good-bye to 2010 and have welcomed 2011 with its hopes and dreams for a better year. It is not possible to have a better year with old wounds that have not healed. This year I encourage you to add forgiveness to your New Years Resolution list. All it takes is a little bit of time and lots of love.
There are so many things in life that we do not have control over. But, one thing is for sure, we have control over home much love we wish to spread. This year identify people in your life that you need to forgive and/or that need your forgiveness, and go to work on forgiving them.
Remember, it is love that really heals all wounds!
***
It's your life: Live it, Love it & Celebrate it!
MJD
-- Andy Rooney
I know people who have been carrying around a grudge for a long time. Time has not healed their wounds. Somebody said something, did not say something, did something or did not do something that has forever changed a relationship. People expect that time will take care of things. It does not! Time does not heal. Time has a way of repressing things, but the hurt, disappointment, and/or rejection never really go away.
Time by itself does not heal a wound. The prescription for healing a wound is the right amount of time and a strong dose of love. If you feel that you have been done wrong by someone, you’ll never fully heal until you find it in your heart to forgive. True forgiveness is an act of love. I do not subscribe to the old cliché “forgive and forget.” You may never forget the act, but if you truly forgive the person, the act becomes insignificant.
We’ve have said good-bye to 2010 and have welcomed 2011 with its hopes and dreams for a better year. It is not possible to have a better year with old wounds that have not healed. This year I encourage you to add forgiveness to your New Years Resolution list. All it takes is a little bit of time and lots of love.
There are so many things in life that we do not have control over. But, one thing is for sure, we have control over home much love we wish to spread. This year identify people in your life that you need to forgive and/or that need your forgiveness, and go to work on forgiving them.
Remember, it is love that really heals all wounds!
***
It's your life: Live it, Love it & Celebrate it!
MJD
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