"Do-or-Die"

“Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.”
-- Henry Ward Beecher

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In sports you will often hear the term, “Do-or-Die.” “Do-or-Die” means an athlete or team must succeed at something in order to avoid defeat, elimination, and/or failure. A “Do-or-Die” event is easily identifiable and is determined solely by the outcome. For example, Team A must win in order to make the playoffs. Team A finds themselves in a “Do-or-Die” situation. If Team A loses, they will be eliminated from contention.

“Do-or Die” situations do not just take place in athletic contests. “Do-or-Die” situations can and do occur in our everyday lives. Personal “Do-or-Die” situations are determined by how much value we place on the outcome of an event. If we place a great deal of value on the outcome of an event, it is possible to have manifested a “Do-or-Die” situation for ourselves. The problem with a personal “Do-or-Die” situation is the sole focus is on the outcome; it is you win or you lose, it is “we do” or “we die.” The problem with self-manifested “Do-or-Die” events is the tendency to believe that the outcome of a single event determines our fate.

“Do-or- Die” situations have their place in athletic competitions, but have no place in our personal lives. In order to declare a winner in an athletic competition, someone has to win and someone has to lose. That’s the nature of competition and keeping score.

In your personal life, your fate is not foretold by a single event. Sure, nobody likes to be defeated, eliminated, or fail. However, it is not the outcome of a single event that counts. It is the person you become in the process that really counts.

Remember that life is a series of ups and downs, and things happen for a reason. I urge you to be patient and do not create “Do-or-Die” situations for yourself. Sure, you may not have got the big promotion you had hope for; you may not have got accepted into the college you had hope for, or your mate may have broke of the relationship with you; it is not the end of the world. Always remember, things happen for a reason.

To illustrate, my daughter, Taylor, got cut from the volleyball team her freshman year in high school. At first, it appeared that the sun was not going to rise the next day, or ever for that matter. But, things happen for a reason. She spent that season (volleyball) working on developing her softball skills. By the end of her freshman season, she was brought up to the varsity team. She started the next three years. By the end of her senior season, she had accumulated numerous awards and honors. Getting cut from the volleyball team was actually a good thing. Although at the time, it would have been impossible for her to comprehend such a thing. Why? It is because making the volleyball team became a “Do-or- Die” situation for her.

I bet if you look back on your life, you’ll find that you have created a few “Do-or-Die” situations yourself. I ask you, out of those situations, how many times did things turn out just fine, or perhaps even better than you could have imagined?

Keep in mind that when you create “Do-or-Die” situations, you burden yourself with unnecessary stress and anxiety, and with stress and anxiety comes petulance, loss of focus, fatigue and excessive worry. Psychologists have demonstrated the mild anxiety can facilitate performance. However, excessive anxiety is a detriment to performance. There is nothing mild about a “Do-or-Die” situation.

Because the focus of a “Do-or-Die” situation is on future results, one denies themselves the enjoyment of the present moment. Minutes, hours, days and months go by when you are caught up in the future; a future that we really don’t have any control over. All we really have is the present moment. Therefore, the only thing we can control is the present moment. It is the present moment that will shape our future. When you assign a “Do-or-Die” status to an event, it marks the beginning of missing out on what is really important in life; the here, the now. I’m not saying that you should not plan for the future. Yes, you set goals and work hard to achieve them. What I am saying is never allow an event to become a “Do-or-Die” situation.

Agreed! No more “Do-or-Die” situations; leave those to athletic competitions. There will be times when you have put forth good effort and things will not work out as you had hoped for. Remember, something better awaits you. Effort never goes unrewarded; sometimes it just takes a little time.

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It's your life: Live it, Love it & Embrace it!
MJD