Friday, April 25, 2008

Whose Defining Who?

“Don’t let someone’s opinion of you become your reality.”
- Les Brown

***
A baby learning to walk is the epitome of determination. A baby repeatedly falls down; yet, gets back up and tries again. With an unshaken determination, a baby learns to walk one step at a time. Parents, family and friends provide the positive encouragement needed. It is through a baby's determination and encouragement from others that a baby confronts the fear of falling down and learns to walk.

A child learning to ride a bike is no different. A child faces the fear of falling down too. A child understands that falling down is a part of the process of learning how to ride a bike. With training wheels off, a child embraces the challenge because they believe the reward to be worth the risk. More importantly, a child believes that they are capable of learning a new skill. If not, they would never get on the bike. Their belief is solidified from the encouragement and support of their parents and/or family members; nobody is telling them they can't ride a bike. Like a baby learning to walk, a child learns to ride a bike through determination and encouragement from others.

Both a baby and a child are able to accomplish these developmental milestones because of support and encouragement from those they love and trust. With the right support and encouragement a child comes to believes they can conquer the world. Children are dreamers. They believe that dreams are destined to come true. Unfortunately with age, dreams begin to die a slow death. What causes a wide-eyed, adventurous youth who believed nothing was impossible to begin doubting themselves? They begin to listen to people who do not offer encouragement and support. They hear things like: “You don’t have what it takes,” “You will never make it,” and “That’s just not possible.” Those statements are quite a contrast to a period in their lives where developmental milestones were achieved by people constantly encouraging them and supporting them.

Over the years, children/adolescents begin to encounter situations where someone negatively influences their belief about themselves and what they can accomplish. These negative influences begin to cause a child to doubt their abilities. A child's relationship with those closest in their lives is based upon trust. It is because of trust that parents, siblings, teachers and coaches have the greatest impact on a child's/adolescent's belief system. As a child’s cognitive abilities develop, they begin to believe what is said about them by the people they trust the most. When a person close to a child uses negative or restrictive words to describe the child’s abilities, the child assumes it to be true. Often times the remarks are unintentional, but the outcome is always the same; a child believing they are not capable. Unfortunately, a child with limited cognitive skill begins generalizes the comment; leaving them to feel that they are not worthy or capable of achievement.

People will always have opinions. A key to happiness is not allowing yourself to be controlled by the opinions of other. Remember, they are simply opinions; neither right nor wrong. An opinion should not define who you are. You define who you are! You define who you want to become and what you are capable of achieving. When you allow yourself to be defined by others, you allow yourself to be robbed of your uniqueness and the potential within you. If you have suffered from the negative opinions/comments from others, today is the day to let go. Do not allow the negative and restrictive comments of the past to control your life any longer. In most cases, the comments were not intended to define you. They were merely someone’s opinion.

You have the power to choose your thoughts. Nobody else has control over your thoughts. That being the said, you can choose to believe that you are a person with unlimited potential and value. You also have the choice to ignore the opinions of others. Remember, you are the only one who truly knows what you are capable of. If you allow others to define you, with their negative or restrictive opinions, you'll never be able tap into your true potential.

I urge you to let go of any negative or restrictive comments from the past. Don’t allow them to define you any longer. You define You! When you define you, you can become that wide-eyed, adventurous youth you once were. That youth that believed nothing was impossible. If you believe in yourself and your unlimited potential, who knows, you may find that you're back on your way to living the life you once dreamed of.

It's your life; live it, love it & celebrate it
MJD
 

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