A Practice They'll Never Forget

Character is doing what is right when nobody's looking.
-J.C. Watts, Jr.

Football is a physical game. It requires strength, speed and skill. Football is a mental game too. It requires discipline, mental toughness and mental preparation. Recently, my junior high football team lost a close game. It wasn’t due to the physical part of the game as both teams were equally matched. The loss resulted from a lack of mental preparation. We fell behind early in the game, because we were not prepared to play at the start of the game. The lack of preparation resulted from a distracting bus ride to the game. As a player, the bus ride to the game is the pinnacle of mental preparation. It’s a time for solitude manifested through prayer, self-reflection and mental rehearsal.

My assistant coaches, who rode the bus to the game, advised me that we had players fooling around on the bus. These players were not mentally preparing themselves for the game, and the result was a distraction for the other players. The following day at practice, I advised the team that I was not upset with the loss, as much as I was upset that we were not ready to play, and it showed! I informed the team that I was bothered that a few players chose to disrupt the bus ride. However, what was more troublesome to me was that 38 other players lacked the initiative to “do the right thing.” I informed them that people generally fail to "do the right thing" for one of four reasons: 1) fear – they lack the fortitude to confront the issue; 2) bystander apathy - they believe someone else will address it; 3) they simply don’t care; or 4) it’s so much easier to not have to do the right thing.

Participating in a sport provides an athlete an opportunity to learn several lessons about life. Besides teaching the fundamentals of a sport, it’s equally important to me as a coach that I teach fundamentals about life. The “bus ride” provided me with an opportunity to teach a lesson about life. At the beginning of our next practice, the team was told the entire practice would consist of grueling conditioning drills. I advised them that their lack of initiative to "do the right thing" had personal consequences as well team consequences. I told them that in our society when someone witnesses an injustice and doesn’t “do the right thing,” their inaction not only weakens the fabric of society, but it also weakens their character. I asked them if a friend is picking on a classmate, would they have the fortitude to “do the right thing?” What about if someone was spreading rumors; would they "do the right thing?" I told them that it was my intent that the practice would serve as a reminder to them to always “do the right thing.” Prior to starting the conditioning drills, I said, “Team, I guarantee this will be a practice you’ll never forget.

As practice progressed the team was showing signs of fatigue. Midway through practice, a player by the name of Tyler asked to speak to me. Tyler advised me that he tried to stop the players from fooling around, but they would not listen to him. He apologized to me because he felt that maybe he could have done more. An assistant coach verified that he saw Tyler try to talk to the players fooling around. Tyler was told that the grueling nature of the practice was not an attempt to punish anyone. Instead, the practice was designed to teach each player a lesson about “doing the right thing.” Tyler was advised that because he tried to do the “right thing,” he could be dismissed from practice. Tyler responded, “Coach, this a team and I’m doing every drill with my team.” Tyler stayed at practice and participated in the remaining drills with his team.

At the end of practice, while addressing the team, I told the team that Tyler and I talked about his conversation with the players foolinhg around. His disclosure was not an attempt to get out of the conditioning drills. Rather, he offered me an apology for not doing more. The team was told that Tyler had the option to be dismissed from practice because he tried to “do the right thing,” but he declined to do so because he was part of the team and team hadn’t finished practice. The team was advised that Tyler had a true understanding of what teamwork is all about: it’s never about one player, it’s always about the team. Tyler opted to endure the difficult conditioning drills for the sake of his team. Once again, Tyler “did the right thing.”

Tyler, an eighth grader, demonstrates what many adults lack today; that being character. Are we willing to put our teams, be it family, work teams or civic teams, above our own interests? Are you willing to take the initiative to do what is right, despite the consequences. I have no doubt, that as an adult, Tyler will become successful in his professional, personal and civic life. Why? Because Tyler “Gets it.”

In concluding my address to the team, I asked each player to tell the team what they learned from the practice. It was inspiring to listen to the words of young men who learned a few lessons about life that day. Most of the players talked about embracing hard work, the need for preparation, finishing strong, teamwork and more importantly, the importance of "doing the right thing."

And, by the way, since that practice, I keep hearing from the players, "Coach, that was a practice "I'll never forget."
Neither will I!

It's your life: live it, love it, & celebrate it
MJD

Today's Pledge

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.
—Albert Camus

TODAY'S PLEDGE

Today . . .
1. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK: If someone is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone is unkind... I will not respond in a like manner.
2. TODAY I WILL ASK THAT MY "ENEMY" BE BLESSED: If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly, I will quietly ask that this individual be blessed. I understand the "enemy" could be a family member, neighbor, co-worker, or a stranger.
3. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY:I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip.
4. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE: I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.
5. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE: I will forgive any hurts or injuries that come my way.
6. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL DO IT SECRETLY: I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.
7. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED: I will practice the golden rule - 'Do unto others as I would have them do unto me' - with everyone I encounter.
8. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRITS OF SOMEONE I DISCOURAGED: My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling life.
9. TODAY I WILL NURTURE MY BODY: I will eat less; I will eat nutritious foods and find time to exercise or take a walk.
10. TODAY I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY/EMOTIONALLY/PERSONALLY: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today; I will find a quiet place (at some point during the day) and give thanks for all that I have been blessed with.
-- Author Unknown

If you want to make the most of each day, embrace the Today's Pledge. Say the pledge each morning, and review it each night to see if you've kept your pledge. When you honor this pledge, and live accordingly, you'll find your life changing in ways you never dreamed of.

Remember, don't focus your energy on yesterday; for yesterday is in the past. Don't focus your energy on tomorrow; for tomorrow has yet to come. Focus your energy on today; for it's what you do today; the right here, the right now which is most important. Each new day is a gift to you; that's why it's called the "present". How you use your "present" is entirely up to you. I don't know about you, but I'll choose to use my "present" each day, by taking a pledge.

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

To a Child Love is Spelled T-I-M-E

“Our greatest danger in life is permitting the urgent things to crowd out the important things.”
- Charles E. Hummel

Each summer, I ask my son to make a list of things that he would like for us to do together. The activities range from riding a roller coaster, to fishing, to catching fireflies, to going to a Detroit Tiger Baseball game. My son loves to play miniature golf. Hence, miniature golf is on the list. Last night after playing miniature golf with my son, I had one of those defining moments in my life. It came as we were riding home together in the car. My son said to me, “Dad, I would rather hang out with you than my friends.” That statement made my day. Now, I know that he won’t feel that way forever; for in the future his friends will be the focal point of his life. But for the moment, I’m enjoying every minute of it.

The defining moment was the realization of how important it is to make time for your children. Making time for your child is a win/win situation. Sure, cutting the grass or paying the bills will have to wait for another day. However, by setting aside a little time for my son, we both got a chance to give a gift to each other.

In the book, To a Child Love is Spelled T-I-M-E, written by Mac Anderson and Lance Wubbels, the authors tell of a story of an old man who is rummaging through things in the attic when he comes across a journal written by his son, when his son was a little boy. As he reads each account, he could almost hear the voice of the little boy that grew up way too fast. The journal was like magic and transported the old man back to a time he had almost forgotten. As he reads on, the old man can't help but realize how his child’s recollections of things were different than his. Reading his son's journal reminded the man that he too kept a journal; yet, his was for his business activities. The old man searches for his journal only to find it in a dusty old box. Sitting down, the old man begins reading entries from both journals. His eyes well up in tears when he reads an inscription in his journal that says, “Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn’t catch a thing.” With a deep sigh he reads the entry from Jimmy’s journal for the same day. In large scrawling letters, the inscription read, “Went fishing with dad. Best day of my life.”

To a child your time is love. It has been said that the most important things in life are not things. Children would rather have your time more so than a collection of things. Children learn life lessons from your time spent with them; not from things. The time you give your child is the foundation of your relationship and shapes their future. The song, Cats in the Cradle, released in 1974 by Harry Chapin, tells of how a father is too busy to spend time with his son. Even though the father is too busy for his son, the son nonetheless, grows up admiring his father and wanting to be like him. As the years pass, the father, a lonely old man, yearns to spend time with his son only to find out that his son is too busy to spend time with him. The song concludes with the father sadly realizing that his boy had become just like him: “And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me. He'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me.”

Remember, telling your child you love them doesn’t guarantee that your child feels love. You have to demonstrate it through action. The old cliché’ is right on point: “actions speak louder than words.” If you want your child to feel loved, spend quality with them.

In your busy schedule, it’s not likely that you’ll “find” time to spend with your child; you have to “make” time. Time given to a child will inevitably shape their life. Hence, your time is a gift that keeps giving. It’s also a gift you’ll never regret giving. The rewards you receive from giving the gift of time are immeasurable

Last night, I spent a few hours of my time in the evening with my son, and in return, it made my day!

It's Your Life: live it, love it celebrate it

It's Never Too Late

"Everything comes to late for those who only wait."
- Elbert Hubbard

The Amazing Story of an Elderly Woman Named Rose
- author unknown

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married,have a couple of kids...""No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated you to be taking on this challenge at your age." "I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk non-stop. I was always mesmerised listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know. "As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only our secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight years old. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets. "She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

How about you? Are you just growing older? Listen to the advice from Rose: Everyone grows old, but only those that choose to live their life can grow up. Now go out there and started living!

Its your life: live it, love it & celebrate it
MJD

Who Are You Really Hurting?

In 1971 the Undisputed Truth recorded Smiling Faces Sometimes. The song was originally recorded by the Temptations. The song reached as high as number three on Billboard's Hot 100. A year later, The O'Jays recorded Backstabbers. Ironically, the song also reached as high as number three on Billboard's Hot 100.

In Backstabbers, the lyrics state:

What they do!
They smile in your face
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

In Smiling Faces Sometimes, the lyrics state:

Smiling faces, sometimes
They don't tell the truth
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof

The songs tell us of the reality of backstabbing. Backstabbers make it a point to satisfy their ego at the expense of others. Outwardly, they may appear friendly. However, because of a strong need to satisfy their ego, they go out of their way to satisfy their needs at the expense of others.

How about you? Are you guilty of being a backstabber? Do you talk about others behind their back? If you do, your doing more harm to yourself than the person your talking about. Think about the reasons that people talk negatively about others: they're jealous, they're vengeful, they feel inferior or they're frustrated, just to name a few. I don't know about you, but, I see nothing good associated with the words: jealous, vengeful, inferior and frustrated. These words describe negative energy. If your making disparaging comments about others, your choosing to think in a negative mindset. You don't have to think negatively about another person, let alone say something negative about someone. Your thoughts and words are yours and yours alone. Negative thinking produces negative results; plain and simple! The more negative you think, the more negative you become.

Age old wisdom tells us, "If you can't say anything good about somebody don't say anything at all." Practicing this wisdom will help prevent you from engaging in backstabbing. Remember that since a backstabber talks behind someones back, the person being talked about is unaware of it. Hence, they're actually unaffected by the backstabbers negativity. The backstabber, however, is affected. When a backstabber is tearing someone else apart, he/she is actually tearing himself/herself apart by breeding more negativity in the form jealousy, vengeance, feelings of inferiority and frustration.

No good comes from talking behind someones back. The following is the best advice I have ever heard when it comes to preventing backstabbing: "If your going to talk about somebody, speak as if they are present in the conversation."

If you're in the habit of backstabbing, remember the knife's greatest damage is not inflicted upon the intended subject; the knife greatest damage is inflicted upon you as it perpetuates negative energy and weakens your character.

Today, eliminate the negativity in your life and seek to look for the good in all people and things. For if you do, you'll soon find out that you feel better about yourself, others and the world you live in.

It's your life; live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

Independence Day: Let Freedom Ring!

"Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves."
- Friedrich~Nietzsche

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
 -- The Declaration of Independence

***
On July 4, 1776, the Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence.  56 delegates from the 13 colonies boldly declared that the United Colonies had the right to be free and independent of British rule.

There it is!  Right there in the Declaration of Independence: the right to pursue happiness.  If we have an unalienable right to pursue happiness, why is it that we see so many unhappy people?  People are unhappy because they don’t exercise their right.   Far too many people rely on people and events/circumstances to make them happy.  The delegates at the Continental Congress knew that under British rule, their colonies would never be free to grow and prosper. They knew they would never be able exercise a right to pursue happiness being governed by the British.  You, like the colonists, will not be able to pursue happiness if you’re being controlled; controlled by people, events/circumstance, and/or habits.  

If you allow other people to control you, you’ll never experience happiness.  Why?  In order to pursue happiness you have to be free from control.  When you rely on others to make you happy, you’re giving up control.  Since you have no control over the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of others, you’re happiness is at the whim of another.  You’re giving up your inalienable right to pursue happiness because you’re happiness is contingent upon something you have no control over.   Never give up your right to pursue happiness by relying on someone else to make you happy.  Happiness is a state of mind; your mind, not someone else’s.  

Never allow events/circumstances to control your happiness; especially in situations where you have no control over the outcome.   In the pursuit of happiness one needs to understand that it’s not what happens to you that counts; it’s how you respond to what happens that counts.  Happy people look for the good in every event/circumstance, no matter how bleak the event/circumstance may appear to be.  In every negative event, there’s a positive lesson(s); one just needs to be patient and search for the lesson(s).  Often times, a negative event is the catalyst for opportunity and personal growth. 

We see people imprisoned with self-destructing habits; habits that paralyze one's pursuit of happiness. Generally, these habits are immediate, self-gratifying behaviors that produce little or no personal or social benefit.  In some cases, a habit can become so engrained that the habit becomes the focus of control in a person’s life.  The habit, not the person, is in control.  You can’t enjoy happiness when you’ve given up your control.  If you have a self-destructive habit, quit it now!  If you need professional help, seek it.  A habit is learned behavior.  Since a habit is learned, it can be unlearned. 

On July 4th when America celebrates her Independence from British Rule, remember our inalienable rights: Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness. The colonist made a bold move in adopting the Declaration of Independence. They were willing to put their lives on the line for freedom sake and a better way of life. 

Today is the day to envision a better, happier way of life.  I encourage you to adopt your own declaration of independence. Make a bold proclamation that you will pursue your own happiness; happiness free from the governance of other people, events/circumstances and habits.  Just as our forefathers declared there freedom; now is the time to declare yours.

Let Freedom Ring!

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

It's All the Little Things

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
—William James

Psychologist, Abraham Maslow developed the theory of a hierarchy on needs in 1943. Being interested exemplary behavior, Maslow choose to study well-adjusted subjects rather than subjects with psychological disorders. Maslow’s theory consists of five levels of need: physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem and self-actualization. His theory is often depicted as a pyramidal structure. The higher level needs, esteem and self-actualization are dependent upon the lower level needs (physiological, safety and love/belonging) being met. Because of the hierarchal dependency, Maslow believes that most adults never fully reach the self-actualization level. According to Maslow, self-actualization takes place when a person reaches their full potential. Since most adults never become fully self-actualized, they spend a significant amount of their life attempting to satisfy the needs in the level below self-actualization; the level of esteem.

According to Maslow, the need of esteem is met when people have self-respect, self-esteem, respect from others and recognition from others. Seeking to fulfill this need, a person will engage in behaviors and activities where they feel they can make a contribution, and in return, they will receive acceptance and recognition. The acceptance and recognition contributes to higher levels of self-respect and self-esteem. The more self-esteem and self-respect as person has, the more likely the person will engage in behaviors that lead to more acceptance and recognition. Maslow once said, “Recognition is a need we all crave, and there are no exceptions."

To illustrate the importance of recognition, imagine yourself as a baseball player: You’re at the plate with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning with the bases loaded and your team is behind by three runs. The first pitch is delivered; you swing and make solid contact. The ball flies through the air and over the fence for a home run. You’ve just hit a walk-off homerun. As you round the bases, there is no cheering, no applauding, no nothing! When you reach home plate, you're not surrounded by your teammates, no one has run out to greet you. Your teammates seem to attending to their own needs. You think... what happened? Did I do something wrong? Something inside you tells you something isn’t right.

All too often, were too busy with our own lives or too preoccupied with our own needs that we fail to recognize others who are deserving of recognition. I’m not necessarily talking about major milestones events and achievements, for those occasions get recognized in their own right. I’m talking about the little things that people do or say for us. I’m talking about the things we take for granted. It’s the little things that get recognized that end up meaning the most. Why? People tend to expect recognition for the big things, and not the little things. Hence, recognizing little things are an unexpected gift from the heart.

Make it a point today and everyday to recognize family, friends and coworkers for all the little things that they do. Don’t wait for someone to hit the "big" homerun before you recognize them; for homeruns come few and far between. Baseball games are rarely won by the "big" homerun. Rather, its the single base hits that wins games; one single at a time. Remember, in the long run, its the little things that really count!

It's your life; live it, love it & celebrate it!