The Masquerade

“And, after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in a masquerade”
- Alexander Pope

***

Children are the great pretenders!  They can have a pretend friend.  They can pretend to visit far-off places.  They can pretend to be a superstar or a superhero.  In fact, they can pretend just about anything.  Most people think that as children age they stop pretending; nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, as we age, some people get better at pretending.  It’s during adolescence years that some people will embark on what can be a lifelong masquerade.

 

A masquerader chooses to hide behind the cover of a convenient, well-crafted mask.  The mask serves to conceal one’s real self while providing others with a false impression of something they are not.   Attempting to impress someone or be accepted by them, the masquerader will strategically put on and take off their mask. 

      

Some people get so good at wearing masks; they forget who they are and deny their true existence.  Unfortunately, wearing a mask inhibits the development and maintenance of worthwhile, significant interpersonal relationships.  Developing and maintaining deep and meaningful relationships requires that both parties reveal their true selves.

Pretending in childhood is a good thing.  It promotes cognitive development and learning.   Pretending allows for self-expression, critical thinking and the use of the imagination/creativity.  It also fosters the development of social and emotional skills and contributes to enhanced language skills.   Pretending (masking) in adulthood is not such a good thing.  Adult pretending can lead to a conflicted and complicated life, a life marked by a pervasive sense of being unfulfilled.  How can one ever feel fulfilled when hiding behind a mask? 

  

God made each one of us unique.  I’m pretty sure he did that for a reason!  We look differently.  We have different talents, different skills and abilities, and different thoughts and feelings.  We honor God when we acknowledge, appreciate, and live as our true selves.  So, if you happen to wear a mask, do yourself a big favor and throw away your mask.  It’s time that you begin living the life that YOU were uniquely created and designed to live.  Stop living your life to impress someone or be accepted by them.  If they don’t like the real you, they don’t deserve the real you. 

When it comes right down to it, it is about living authentically.  Living an authentic life allows you to maximize your full potential and experience true happiness – happiness on your terms.  So be you!   In the words of Mike Robbins, “You might as well be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

Remember, GOD loves YOU and YOU should too!
(and so do I!)

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

How Does Your Garden Grow?

“A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth.”

- James Allen

***

Ah, Springtime!  It’s a time of growth, new beginnings!  Spring allows one to engage in an annual “labor of love,” gardening!  The fruits of one’s labor will ultimately depend upon the seeds planted and how well one cares for their garden.
    

Just like a home garden, where plants, flowers, and vegetables grow, your mind is a garden too.  There is only one master gardener of your mind, and it’s you!  Therefore, you must be diligent about the seeds you plant and how you care for your mind garden.  Seeds are thoughts, so be careful what you sow.  The law of the harvest counsels “You reap what you sow.” If you sow negative thoughts, you’ll harvest negativity.  Conversely, positive thoughts will reap a positive harvest. 

As gardeners, we choose the seeds we plant, be them good or bad.  Good seeds have the potential to produce a bountiful harvest.  Hence, we must be vigilant of the outside influences that can wreak havoc in our garden.  A home garden is susceptible to the weather, insects and animals, and weeds.  Like a home garden, the garden of our mind is vulnerable to outside influences too.  Friends and family members, often unintentionally, can wreak havoc in our mind garden.  Society and popular culture can have a way of choking off good seeds that have been planted.  Alcohol and drugs can poison a garden; killing growth and rendering it barren.  

So how does one cultivate a bountiful mind garden?  Foremost, good seeds (thoughts) must be planted.  With good seeds planted, the gardener must be aware of any negative influence (family and friends; society and popular culture; and drugs and alcohol) and eradicate it as soon as possible.  Besides protecting a garden from negative influences, a garden needs to be nurtured.  Tending to a home garden requires work, such as watering, fertilizing and cultivating.  A mind garden requires nurturing too.  It’s called “Personal Development,” or commonly referred to as “self-development,” or “self-help.”  A master gardener must be willing to do the work entailed in personal development.  According to Myrko Thum, “Personal Development is the conscious pursuit of personal growth by expanding self-awareness and knowledge and improving personal skills. 

So there you have it!  A master mind gardener must think positive thoughts, surround themselves with positive people, read books and literature or attend seminars/trainings that focus on personal development, and seek guidance/counsel from those who actively engage in personal development practices.  In simplistic terms, personal development is consciously working on becoming a better you.   Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”  Don’t take a chance and let fate destroy your garden.  I encourage you to be conscious of the seeds you sow and take active measures to tend to your garden; for it you do, your harvest will be plenty! 

Best gardening tip:  If you really want a bountiful garden, spend some time with the ultimate Master Gardener, The Good Lord.  He knows a thing or two about creation and abundance!

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate
MJD 

To Know Thyself

“He who knows other is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.”
- Lao Tzu

***
Do you consider yourself smart? Just how smart are you? Smart people know people and know things, right! Well, if you’re so smart, then you should know nobody better than yourself. So let’s test your intelligence; your emotional intelligence. The following questions will assist you in determining your degree of self-awareness, or in other words, determine just how smart you are about yourself. If you’re ready for the test, begin now!

What is important to me? Why?
What do I stand for? Why?
What brings me pain? Why
What makes me angry? Why
What makes me mad? Why
What makes me ecstatic? Why?
What are my strengths?
What are my weaknesses?
Who am I?

How did you do? If you had no problem answering these questions, congratulations you possess a great deal of self-awareness. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence (EI). Knowing who you are and what you’re all about puts you in touch with yourself. Possessing self-awareness helps one to recognize and control their emotions, while understanding the basis of those emotions. Understanding and controlling your emotions will allow for a deeper understanding of yourself and allow you to make deeper emotional connections with others.

If you struggled with one or more of the questions above, you can work on increasing your self-awareness by living in the present moment. By living in the present moment it means, forgetting about the past and not fretting about the future. It means being in tune to yourself and the experience; it could be you just being with you; it could be you and another; it could be you and nature. It doesn't matter! What does matter is it is about YOU! Keep a journal and write down your experiences. What was it like? How did you feel? What moved you? What bothered you? By spending some time examining the experience and the emotions associated thereof, you'll develop a greater self-awareness. And, in no time, you will become super smart when it comes to you!

When you become aware of you, you’ll begin to discover those things that make you feel complete. And, the best part about being self-aware is you can be yourself (authentic) without having a thing to prove - to anyone, including yourself!

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

Ready, Fire, Aim

“A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.” - Benjamin Franklin

***

You’ve heard, “Ready, Aim, Fire.”  It is a sequence of words instructing one who is about to discharge a weapon.   Because the weapon has the potential to create such a devastating effect, one must be poised, focused and deliberate.

    

Have you heard of, “Ready, Fire, Aim?”  It’s a phenomenon of firing a weapon without taking aim.  In this case the weapon is thy mouth and words the ammunition.  “Ready, Fire, Aim” is the epitome of reckless endangerment.”  When one fires off at the mouth without thinking of the consequences, the effects can be devastating; feelings get hurt, emotions run high, and relationships get ruined.  Those who engage in “Ready, Fire, Aim” are constantly engaged in damage control.  They fire off at the mouth and spend a significant amount of time trying to repair the damage that was done.  Sad to say, in some instances, the damage cannot be repaired.  The words that were used will leave a permanent scar.

Think before you speak!  Be careful with your choice of words.  Words are powerful.  They can build-up or destroy a person.  They can start a fight or end a fight.  They can complement or criticize.  Words carry the power to do just about anything!

 

If “Ready, Fire, Aim” has caused you angst, here’s a little advice: before you speak, employ what’s called the “Triple Filter Test.”   The “Triple Filter Test” was devised by Socrates and was designed to filter the sending and receiving of information.  In its simplest form, the “Triple Filter Test” requires that any communication be factually true, of good nature, and beneficial to one or all parties.  One can evade the adverse effects of “Ready, Fire, Aim,” just by employing a simple test, or in other words, “thinking before speaking.”

    

Frank Lloyd Wright once said “I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.”  His quote really speaks to the power of words we choose.  Yes, words can be dangerous weapons.  So choose your words wisely.  Use words that heal not hurt; words that accept not reject; words that love not hate.

Words are powerful because they have the power to create.  The words we use are the manifestation of the thoughts we have created.  Words create your reality.  Think words aren’t powerful; The Good Book tells us that God spoke “Let there be light and there was light.”  Now, I’d say that’s pretty powerful! 

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

MJD

Baby It's Cold Outside

Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that the thorns have roses.
- Alphonse Karr

***
Mother Nature and Old Man Winter have really teamed up on us this winter. Most recently, they've put on a “full-court press” with very frigid temperatures and wind chill readings hovering near -40 below zero. Wow! 

Yes, Mother and the Man have not been so kind to us here in Michigan and to most of our nation as well. The “dynamic duo” has made sure that this Winter Solstice will long be remembered for its bitter cold, gusty winds and relentless snowfall.

You certainly can’t traverse too far without this winter being the topic of conversation. Although I don’t consider it much of a conversation when complaining dominates the interaction. Folks, I gotta enlighten you, “its Michigan and its January.”

I hear, “It’s too cold,” “It’s too windy,” “it’s too snowy.” I could go on and on with the number/types of complaints I’ve heard. Is it really too cold? What does “too” really mean. Too is a subjective term. What might be “too” to you may be nowhere close to my definition of “too.” Is it really “too” cold or is it some people just naturally complain. For these people, when it’s cold and snowy – complain; hot and dry – complain. They’ll find something to complain about when it’s neither. If you’re a chronic complainer, please don’t tell the rest of us when it is too cold, too windy, or too snowy. We’re quite capable of making that assessment on our own.

For you complainers, there are things that you can control and things that you cannot control – please understand the difference. Try to accept the things that you cannot control (like the weather) and make the best of the situation. And, oh yes, do it without complaining. We are not interested in your negative spin on things. For those things you can control, go to work on doing something about it. Nothing will change unless you are willing to take action. And, oh yes, please do that without complaining. We are not interested in hearing you complain about something you can fix, but choose to do nothing about it.

I ask you, are you a constant complainer? Do you have a permanent seat on the “complain train?” Remember, except for God’s love for us, nothing in life will ever be completely perfect. So, instead of complaining, it’s time that you really start appreciating life, even with its imperfections. Do not complain about what you have or what you don’t have. Instead, be thankful! The opposite of engaging in complaining is practicing gratitude. Understand, you can complain and continue to wallow in negativity and lack, or you can practice gratitude and bask in happiness and abundance and enjoy all that life has to offer. The choice seems simple and it’s all yours!

By the way, “baby its cold outside” and I love it!

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

No Regrets!

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."

- Mark Twain

***

2013 is in the record books and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change what took place during the past year.  Hopefully, you experienced more triumph than tragedy, more gain than loss and more fortune than misfortune.  In retrospect, is there anything that you wish that you would have done; wish that you would not have done something; or maybe even wish that you would have done something differently?  If so, regret is renting space in your psyche. 

The feeling of regret ranges from a slight sense of disappointment to a painful sense of dissatisfaction with oneself.  The worse type of regret originates from the choices that you did not make as opposed to the choices you did make.  It is more painful to experience regret from not doing something as opposed to something that you have done.  You see, when you take action there are lessons to be learned, both good and bad.  And yes, some lessons can be somewhat painful; but they’re intended to teach us something about ourselves.  Regret from not taking action is different.  There are no real lessons to be learned.  The regret starts out slow and may even go unnoticed for a period of time.  Over time, it becomes chronic and haunting; it’s about missed opportunities; it’s about, “what I could have done;” or “what I could have become.” 

When you make choices and take action; you risk making mistakes.  If mistakes were not bad enough, there is the chance that you just might fail.  But, mistakes and failures are teaching moments.  It was Henry Ford that said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently."  There are far too many people playing it safe.  By playing it safe, they may find comfort in the here and now, but someday will pay the price of regret. 

Regret can only be cured by taking action.  If you’re regretting something you’ve done, take action and make it right.  If you’re experiencing regret from not doing something, take action and do what needs to be done. Know that it’s never too late to take action; it’s never too late to finish school, change your career, live a healthy lifestyle, rekindle an old friendship or forge a new one, embrace a spiritual relationship, or more importantly, become the person that you always wanted to become. 

Awhile back, I was walking through a cemetery and a rather plain tombstone caught my eye.  The epitaph read, “No Regrets!” It caused me to stop and think just how much regret was buried in the earth because of not taking action; how many missed opportunities were there, how much talent and skill was never developed; and how many dreams were never realized. 

You’re the landlord of your psyche and you have the power to evict “regret.”  The longer you allow regret to reside within you, the harder it is to get rid of it.  Instead, evict “regret” by taking action.  Don’t be one of those people who say, “I wish I would have…” Be one of those people who say, “No Regrets”  

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

MJD

School of Life

The PAST is where you learned the Lesson. The FUTURE is where you Apply the Lesson.

~Unknown

***

You've heard it said before, "knowledge is power."  Knowledge is not power.  Application of knowledge is power.  What good does it do for a person to acquire a wealth of knowledge, but do nothing with it?  One would not study for a test and then not take it.  Talk about the irony of it.  Somebody who possesses a wealth a knowledge would be considered "smart."  But, only a "fool" would possess such knowledge and do nothing with it. 

Knowledge comes from learning.  Learning comes from a lesson.  A lesson is intended to teach or instruct.  Life's greatest teacher is our own experiences.  Hence, we are all students in the "School of Life."  Being students, we get to go to school every day to acquire more knowledge.  Every day offers us a lesson or two about life, about ourselves, and about others.  Beware of leading such a hectic life that you either miss the lesson(s) to be learned or you are not paying attention to it.  Being good students, we need to do our homework, which covers the lesson(s) to be learned

So, here is your daily homework assignment: 

1) Set aside some time to reflect upon the day and think about the lesson(s) life has taught you.  Ask yourself, "What lesson(s) did I learn today."   There is a lesson or two, you just might have to spend a little time looking for it. 

2) (Keep a journal) and list the lesson(s) you've learned.  Note how the lesson(s) came about and how you feel about the lesson(s).  Note:  This could become a family keepsake for generations to come.

3) List how you will consistently apply the lesson(s) in your life.  

4) The most important part of your homework assignment is that you put it into action.

Don't be one of those students who does the homework (acquires the knowledge) but fails to turn it in (apply the knowledge), for only a "fool" would do something like that.

In the "School of Life" you can be a student for life and you can go to school as much as you wish.   So the opportunity to acquire knowledge from life's greatest teacher is limitless.  Take advantage of the lessons to be learned by doing your homework!   Remember, knowledge is simply knowledge; it’s the application of knowledge that is powerful!         

Always be a student, never stop learning, and never stop applying what you’ve learned, for if you do, I can pretty much assure you that your report card in the “School of Life” will have nothing but A’s.

It’s your life:  live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD