"Better Off"

“It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”  

- Ann Landers

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Most parents will profess that they want their children to be “better off” than them.  There is nothing wrong a “better off” philosophy.  It is admirable that parents want their children to “better off” than them.  The problem with a “better off” philosophy is when ends justify the means.  The recent college-admissions scandal uncovered by the Federal Bureau of Investigations highlights the perils when parents will do almost anything to create a “better off” environment their children.  Fifty people are alleged to have engaged in criminal activity, by bribing or buying their child’s admission into prestigious universities.  All of the people charged are affluent and certainly have the means to pay for their child being “better off.”

Thus far, it has been revealed that in most of the college-admission scandal cases, the children were unaware that their parents were orchestrating fraudulent activity to get them enrolled.  It is alleged that in some case parents went so far as having SAT and ACT scores altered, bribing coaches and administrators to designate their child as an athletic recruit, and submitting admission applications that contained fraudulently-obtained exam scores, grades, awards, and athletic activities.

So if the allegations are true, those parents who wanted their children to be “better off” failed on many levels.  The parents created a façade that their children were something they were not.  They likely were not the type of scholars or athletes that would have been admitted to one of the prestigious universities based upon their academics, test scores or athletic performance. If they were, their parents would not have had to commit fraud to get them admitted.   Prestigious universities have high admissions requirements for a reason.  Just think of the pressure put on the child to perform at one of these universities when the child is not able to meet the admissions requirements in the first place.
  

Who wanted the child to attend a prestigious university?  Was it the child or was it the parent?  It seems that if most of the children were unaware of their parents’ activities, it was the parent who wanted their child to attend a prestigious university.  It is a “controlling parent” who would spend lots of money and engage in illegal activity to ensure their child’s admission to a university?  The “controlling parent” won’t let their child experience failure or rejection.  It is because the “controlling parent” believes their child is too emotionally frail to handle disappointment and/or they (the parent) might be perceived as a “bad” parent when their child is not successful.  Competitive parenting has fueled the “controlling parent.”  “There is no way that the “Jones’” kids are going to be better than ours.”  Today, “controlling parents” are over.  They will show up at schools, sporting events, recitals, competitions, and even a birthday party if they believe they can manipulate the situation to shed the best light on their son or daughter.  The competition and control have gotten so far out-of-hand that it now appears colleges are no longer safe from this type of parental intrusion. 

  

So what is the lesson to be learned?  Children don’t need their parents to make sure they are “better off.”  They do not need parental manipulation, facilitation, or orchestration designed to make them appear to be better than they are.  They don’t need money, fancy clothes and more “things” to make them feel important.  They certainly don’t need to experience life lessons manufactured by their parents that end up distorting their view of themselves and the real world.
 
All children need to be “better off” is unconditional love and support.  They need to know that when they fall, their parents will be there to pick them up, dust them off, and send them on their way to experiencing being “better off.”

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD