With Age Comes ...

“With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.”

― Oscar Wilde

***

With age come wrinkles!  With age come those little aches and pains.  Experts tell us that eyesight and hearing are the first of the senses to go.  In essence, with aging we experience a slow deterioration of bodily functions.  Deterioration doesn't seem like a very promising word.  According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, “aging” is a “Gradual change in an organism that leads to increased risk of weakness, disease, and death.”   The definition goes on, but enough said about that!  

I’m one of those people that happen to believe that there is always some good in everything.  So what do you get from aging that might be considered good?   With aging comes wisdom, or at least it should!    Really!  All you get is wisdom!  Hardly seems like a fair trade for deteriorating bodily functions, weakness, disease, and ….   Seriously, who really wants to lose their hair, their teeth, their senses, and in some instances, their memory (did I already mention that!)?  But wait, wisdom has a way of enhancing us spiritually, emotionally and soulfully.  

Wilde said, “With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.”  Don’t be one of those people who grow older, but not wiser.  You have to be open to receive the gift of wisdom that comes from aging.  Wisdom comes from experience, and the thoughtful reflection and analysis of the experience. 

With age comes tolerance and with tolerance comes wisdom:  The longer you live, the more you’ll experience.  You’ll be exposed to a variety of different people, cultures, and lifestyles.   Take the opportunity to embrace all people from all walks-of-life and respect and appreciate the differences.   The more you know about the world and the people in it know the wiser you become! 

With age comes perseverance and with perseverance comes wisdom:  The longer you live, the more adversity you’ll encounter.  Adversity is full of lessons:  lessons about you, lessons about others, and lessons about the world.  It takes perseverance to survive in the face of adversity.  Think of the adversity that you have encountered in your life, be it big or small; you persevered, made it through, and learned a lesson or two.  The more you persevere the more lessons you learn and the more lessons you learn the wiser you become!  

With age comes self-acceptance and with self-acceptance comes wisdom:  The longer you live, the less you care about what others think about you.  The contrast and comparison of yourself with others becomes fleeting when you age.  Experience has taught you that what you think of yourself is far more important that what others think of you.  When you learn to accept and love yourself, despite your imperfections and shortcomings, you’re being you!  And, there is a lot to be gained from being true to you!   

With age comes a better understanding of what’s important in life and with that better understanding comes wisdom:  When we’re younger we tend to be guided by societal and cultural norms.  Society tells us what’s important.    Age we age, we become less concerned with the dictates of society and more concerned with what’s really important to us.   We learn through loss that nothing last forever and the only thing we really own is our souls.   We’re not as concerned with the past or the future.  We learn to live in the moment.  Living in the moment allows us to extract all of the love and the beauty from the moment.  We learn to focus on what we have and not what we don’t have.   We learn that the secret to having it all is the knowledge that you already do. Experience is the great teacher!  There’s true wisdom in knowing what are the important things in life.   

Remember, with age comes wisdom or at least it should!   By the grace of the Good Lord, thus far, I have lived 19,046 days on this wonderful planet.  Knowing what I know now – I’d rather be old and wise than young and foolish – any day!   

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

Weathering the Storm

“Life’s roughest storms prove the strength of our anchors.”
-unknown

***

Mother Nature put on a pretty spectacular night show last night.  Last night’s show definitely awakened the senses and me for that matter!  The sky lit up brilliantly with flashes of lighting and the booming thunder continued to echo into the early morning hours.  For some, storms can create a feeling of uneasiness.  For others, storms can be downright terrifying.  Some storms come through without creating any damage; others come wreaking havoc.   Storms come and go, eventually they give way to calm, peaceful weather.  It doesn’t matter if a storm is just a light rain shower or a storm is of tornadic intensity, all storms come and they go!  The main point is that they always go away.
  

Failure, disappointment, rejection, and hurt are the storms that we all face in life’s journey.  There are many different life storms.  Some are like a light rain that creates a minor inconvenience for us; some are like a supercell  storm that produces hail, torrential downpours, dangerously high winds and can spawn tornado, leaving us to clean up its aftermath; and other storms are anywhere in between.
    

The storms we all endure are a part of life.  Some storms come with advanced warning, while others   roll in upon us without much notice.   Some of life’s storms are beyond our control; others are within our control.  Unlike Mother Nature who has complete control over when she decides to unleash her fury, some of the storms in our journey, we are responsible for creating.   Our attitude about life and our circumstances, and the decision we make, are capable of producing a storm.  If we want to minimize the number of storms in our lives, we need to examine our lives and determine what might be causing our storms.   Is it our attitude?  Is it who we associate with?  Is it our self-image?  Is it a self-defeating behavior/habit?   A positive attitude, positive associations, a positive self-image, and positive habits will lead to calmer and sunnier days on life’s journey.   It all starts with the way you think.  If you want to minimize the number of storms you encounter, then you must change the way you think; negative thinking produces storms, positive thinking produces sunshine.
  

For those times when a storm rolls in and it doesn’t seem like it will ever pass, try calling on the man, whom the winds and sea obey his command.   The Good Book tells us that the Lord was asleep in a boat, accompanied by his disciples, when a violent storm came upon them.  Terrified, the disciples awakened the Lord.  He said to them, “Why are you so terrified, ye of little faith.”  Then, he rebuked the winds and the sea and there was great calm (Matthew  8:26).  Remember, the Good Lord is with you during each and every storm you encounter.  He will not abandon you.  Have faith in him, for soon you too will experience “great calm.”

It’s your life: live it, love it, & celebrate it!
MJD

Frustration isn't a "Bad Word"

“You’re frustrated because you keep waiting for the blooming of flowers of which you have yet to sow the seeds.”

- Dr. Steve Marabli

Frustration isn’t a “bad word!” Frustration’s purpose is to promote. Those who have experienced success, first experienced frustration! Frustration, as painful as it can be at times, is a necessary building block to success.  Successful people are not immune from feeling frustrated; they’re just adept at managing it.  The road to success will always be paved with frustration. Hence, I offer you 10 ways to effectively manage frustration.
 

Have Realistic Expectations:  Most times, frustration comes from the fact that the results we are getting do not meet our expectations.  The greater the expectation the more likely we will experience frustration.  You become the very source of your frustration when you have unrealistic expectations. It’s great to have high expectations, but expectations have to be realistic. 

Celebrate the Small Successes.  All too often when we focus too much on the end result and not on the process we experience frustration.  It is during the process that we can experience the small wins.   We need to look for and celebrate those times.  It’s by focusing on the small wins that we stay energized and keep our sights set on bigger and better things to come.

Search for the Good in All Things:  This is all about attitude – and you and you alone control your attitude.   Often times when we get frustrated, it’s because of our attitude; it’s easy to take on a negative or pessimistic attitude.  If we focus on the negative, we’ll get negative results; negative results, which perpetuate and exacerbate our frustration. Remember, you become what you think about. Think positive – be positive!
 

Laugh often:  Laughter is good for the soul.  It’s a miracle drug that reduces stress, feels invigorating, and gives you a sense of rejuvenation. The best thing about laughter is it is totally free and has no side effects, except maybe sore stomach muscles from laughing to hard.  Laugh often and take time to laugh at yourself! 
 

Be a Good Observer:  During times of frustration look to others whom you admire/respect and observe how they handle themselves during stressful situations.

Read, Read, Read: Stay inspired and keep frustration at bay by reading motivational and inspiration writings.  From lesson 4:  You become what you think – read positive, think positive, and be positive! 

Believe in yourself.  During times of frustration, it is easy to start doubting yourself:  “Do I have what it takes?” and “Am I right for this?” are just a few of the doubtful questions we ask ourselves.  Doubt is a cousin of fear.  Like fear, doubt can paralyze us
and leave us with little chance to grow.  Always believe in yourself.  Believing in yourself quells doubt and allows you to step outside your comfort zone; for it is outside the comfort zone that real growth occurs.
  

Allow Mistakes and Failures to Serve You.   It is easy to get frustrated when you believe you made a mistake or may have failed at something.   Errors in judgment are not intended to punish us they are intended to serve us.  Look for the lesson in the mistake, learn from the lesson and be determined to live the lesson you were taught.
 

Take Care of Yourself.  In times of frustration we tend to get so caught up in our frustration that we neglect to take care ourselves.  It’s when we are frustrated that we need to pay the most attention to ourselves: we need to eat right, get plenty of sleep, and exercise often. Diet, exercise, and sleep are critical components of a healthy lifestyle and their benefits have been scientifically proven, over and over! 

Pray:  Never underestimate the power of prayer – enough said! 

Frustration is not a “bad word!”  Always remember that today’s frustration is helping to develop you for tomorrow’s fight.

It’s your life: live it, love it, and celebrate it! 
MJD 

The Masquerade

“And, after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in a masquerade”
- Alexander Pope

***

Children are the great pretenders!  They can have a pretend friend.  They can pretend to visit far-off places.  They can pretend to be a superstar or a superhero.  In fact, they can pretend just about anything.  Most people think that as children age they stop pretending; nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, as we age, some people get better at pretending.  It’s during adolescence years that some people will embark on what can be a lifelong masquerade.

 

A masquerader chooses to hide behind the cover of a convenient, well-crafted mask.  The mask serves to conceal one’s real self while providing others with a false impression of something they are not.   Attempting to impress someone or be accepted by them, the masquerader will strategically put on and take off their mask. 

      

Some people get so good at wearing masks; they forget who they are and deny their true existence.  Unfortunately, wearing a mask inhibits the development and maintenance of worthwhile, significant interpersonal relationships.  Developing and maintaining deep and meaningful relationships requires that both parties reveal their true selves.

Pretending in childhood is a good thing.  It promotes cognitive development and learning.   Pretending allows for self-expression, critical thinking and the use of the imagination/creativity.  It also fosters the development of social and emotional skills and contributes to enhanced language skills.   Pretending (masking) in adulthood is not such a good thing.  Adult pretending can lead to a conflicted and complicated life, a life marked by a pervasive sense of being unfulfilled.  How can one ever feel fulfilled when hiding behind a mask? 

  

God made each one of us unique.  I’m pretty sure he did that for a reason!  We look differently.  We have different talents, different skills and abilities, and different thoughts and feelings.  We honor God when we acknowledge, appreciate, and live as our true selves.  So, if you happen to wear a mask, do yourself a big favor and throw away your mask.  It’s time that you begin living the life that YOU were uniquely created and designed to live.  Stop living your life to impress someone or be accepted by them.  If they don’t like the real you, they don’t deserve the real you. 

When it comes right down to it, it is about living authentically.  Living an authentic life allows you to maximize your full potential and experience true happiness – happiness on your terms.  So be you!   In the words of Mike Robbins, “You might as well be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

Remember, GOD loves YOU and YOU should too!
(and so do I!)

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

How Does Your Garden Grow?

“A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth.”

- James Allen

***

Ah, Springtime!  It’s a time of growth, new beginnings!  Spring allows one to engage in an annual “labor of love,” gardening!  The fruits of one’s labor will ultimately depend upon the seeds planted and how well one cares for their garden.
    

Just like a home garden, where plants, flowers, and vegetables grow, your mind is a garden too.  There is only one master gardener of your mind, and it’s you!  Therefore, you must be diligent about the seeds you plant and how you care for your mind garden.  Seeds are thoughts, so be careful what you sow.  The law of the harvest counsels “You reap what you sow.” If you sow negative thoughts, you’ll harvest negativity.  Conversely, positive thoughts will reap a positive harvest. 

As gardeners, we choose the seeds we plant, be them good or bad.  Good seeds have the potential to produce a bountiful harvest.  Hence, we must be vigilant of the outside influences that can wreak havoc in our garden.  A home garden is susceptible to the weather, insects and animals, and weeds.  Like a home garden, the garden of our mind is vulnerable to outside influences too.  Friends and family members, often unintentionally, can wreak havoc in our mind garden.  Society and popular culture can have a way of choking off good seeds that have been planted.  Alcohol and drugs can poison a garden; killing growth and rendering it barren.  

So how does one cultivate a bountiful mind garden?  Foremost, good seeds (thoughts) must be planted.  With good seeds planted, the gardener must be aware of any negative influence (family and friends; society and popular culture; and drugs and alcohol) and eradicate it as soon as possible.  Besides protecting a garden from negative influences, a garden needs to be nurtured.  Tending to a home garden requires work, such as watering, fertilizing and cultivating.  A mind garden requires nurturing too.  It’s called “Personal Development,” or commonly referred to as “self-development,” or “self-help.”  A master gardener must be willing to do the work entailed in personal development.  According to Myrko Thum, “Personal Development is the conscious pursuit of personal growth by expanding self-awareness and knowledge and improving personal skills. 

So there you have it!  A master mind gardener must think positive thoughts, surround themselves with positive people, read books and literature or attend seminars/trainings that focus on personal development, and seek guidance/counsel from those who actively engage in personal development practices.  In simplistic terms, personal development is consciously working on becoming a better you.   Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”  Don’t take a chance and let fate destroy your garden.  I encourage you to be conscious of the seeds you sow and take active measures to tend to your garden; for it you do, your harvest will be plenty! 

Best gardening tip:  If you really want a bountiful garden, spend some time with the ultimate Master Gardener, The Good Lord.  He knows a thing or two about creation and abundance!

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate
MJD 

To Know Thyself

“He who knows other is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.”
- Lao Tzu

***
Do you consider yourself smart? Just how smart are you? Smart people know people and know things, right! Well, if you’re so smart, then you should know nobody better than yourself. So let’s test your intelligence; your emotional intelligence. The following questions will assist you in determining your degree of self-awareness, or in other words, determine just how smart you are about yourself. If you’re ready for the test, begin now!

What is important to me? Why?
What do I stand for? Why?
What brings me pain? Why
What makes me angry? Why
What makes me mad? Why
What makes me ecstatic? Why?
What are my strengths?
What are my weaknesses?
Who am I?

How did you do? If you had no problem answering these questions, congratulations you possess a great deal of self-awareness. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence (EI). Knowing who you are and what you’re all about puts you in touch with yourself. Possessing self-awareness helps one to recognize and control their emotions, while understanding the basis of those emotions. Understanding and controlling your emotions will allow for a deeper understanding of yourself and allow you to make deeper emotional connections with others.

If you struggled with one or more of the questions above, you can work on increasing your self-awareness by living in the present moment. By living in the present moment it means, forgetting about the past and not fretting about the future. It means being in tune to yourself and the experience; it could be you just being with you; it could be you and another; it could be you and nature. It doesn't matter! What does matter is it is about YOU! Keep a journal and write down your experiences. What was it like? How did you feel? What moved you? What bothered you? By spending some time examining the experience and the emotions associated thereof, you'll develop a greater self-awareness. And, in no time, you will become super smart when it comes to you!

When you become aware of you, you’ll begin to discover those things that make you feel complete. And, the best part about being self-aware is you can be yourself (authentic) without having a thing to prove - to anyone, including yourself!

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!
MJD

Ready, Fire, Aim

“A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.” - Benjamin Franklin

***

You’ve heard, “Ready, Aim, Fire.”  It is a sequence of words instructing one who is about to discharge a weapon.   Because the weapon has the potential to create such a devastating effect, one must be poised, focused and deliberate.

    

Have you heard of, “Ready, Fire, Aim?”  It’s a phenomenon of firing a weapon without taking aim.  In this case the weapon is thy mouth and words the ammunition.  “Ready, Fire, Aim” is the epitome of reckless endangerment.”  When one fires off at the mouth without thinking of the consequences, the effects can be devastating; feelings get hurt, emotions run high, and relationships get ruined.  Those who engage in “Ready, Fire, Aim” are constantly engaged in damage control.  They fire off at the mouth and spend a significant amount of time trying to repair the damage that was done.  Sad to say, in some instances, the damage cannot be repaired.  The words that were used will leave a permanent scar.

Think before you speak!  Be careful with your choice of words.  Words are powerful.  They can build-up or destroy a person.  They can start a fight or end a fight.  They can complement or criticize.  Words carry the power to do just about anything!

 

If “Ready, Fire, Aim” has caused you angst, here’s a little advice: before you speak, employ what’s called the “Triple Filter Test.”   The “Triple Filter Test” was devised by Socrates and was designed to filter the sending and receiving of information.  In its simplest form, the “Triple Filter Test” requires that any communication be factually true, of good nature, and beneficial to one or all parties.  One can evade the adverse effects of “Ready, Fire, Aim,” just by employing a simple test, or in other words, “thinking before speaking.”

    

Frank Lloyd Wright once said “I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.”  His quote really speaks to the power of words we choose.  Yes, words can be dangerous weapons.  So choose your words wisely.  Use words that heal not hurt; words that accept not reject; words that love not hate.

Words are powerful because they have the power to create.  The words we use are the manifestation of the thoughts we have created.  Words create your reality.  Think words aren’t powerful; The Good Book tells us that God spoke “Let there be light and there was light.”  Now, I’d say that’s pretty powerful! 

It’s your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

MJD

Baby It's Cold Outside

Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that the thorns have roses.
- Alphonse Karr

***
Mother Nature and Old Man Winter have really teamed up on us this winter. Most recently, they've put on a “full-court press” with very frigid temperatures and wind chill readings hovering near -40 below zero. Wow! 

Yes, Mother and the Man have not been so kind to us here in Michigan and to most of our nation as well. The “dynamic duo” has made sure that this Winter Solstice will long be remembered for its bitter cold, gusty winds and relentless snowfall.

You certainly can’t traverse too far without this winter being the topic of conversation. Although I don’t consider it much of a conversation when complaining dominates the interaction. Folks, I gotta enlighten you, “its Michigan and its January.”

I hear, “It’s too cold,” “It’s too windy,” “it’s too snowy.” I could go on and on with the number/types of complaints I’ve heard. Is it really too cold? What does “too” really mean. Too is a subjective term. What might be “too” to you may be nowhere close to my definition of “too.” Is it really “too” cold or is it some people just naturally complain. For these people, when it’s cold and snowy – complain; hot and dry – complain. They’ll find something to complain about when it’s neither. If you’re a chronic complainer, please don’t tell the rest of us when it is too cold, too windy, or too snowy. We’re quite capable of making that assessment on our own.

For you complainers, there are things that you can control and things that you cannot control – please understand the difference. Try to accept the things that you cannot control (like the weather) and make the best of the situation. And, oh yes, do it without complaining. We are not interested in your negative spin on things. For those things you can control, go to work on doing something about it. Nothing will change unless you are willing to take action. And, oh yes, please do that without complaining. We are not interested in hearing you complain about something you can fix, but choose to do nothing about it.

I ask you, are you a constant complainer? Do you have a permanent seat on the “complain train?” Remember, except for God’s love for us, nothing in life will ever be completely perfect. So, instead of complaining, it’s time that you really start appreciating life, even with its imperfections. Do not complain about what you have or what you don’t have. Instead, be thankful! The opposite of engaging in complaining is practicing gratitude. Understand, you can complain and continue to wallow in negativity and lack, or you can practice gratitude and bask in happiness and abundance and enjoy all that life has to offer. The choice seems simple and it’s all yours!

By the way, “baby its cold outside” and I love it!

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

No Regrets!

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."

- Mark Twain

***

2013 is in the record books and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change what took place during the past year.  Hopefully, you experienced more triumph than tragedy, more gain than loss and more fortune than misfortune.  In retrospect, is there anything that you wish that you would have done; wish that you would not have done something; or maybe even wish that you would have done something differently?  If so, regret is renting space in your psyche. 

The feeling of regret ranges from a slight sense of disappointment to a painful sense of dissatisfaction with oneself.  The worse type of regret originates from the choices that you did not make as opposed to the choices you did make.  It is more painful to experience regret from not doing something as opposed to something that you have done.  You see, when you take action there are lessons to be learned, both good and bad.  And yes, some lessons can be somewhat painful; but they’re intended to teach us something about ourselves.  Regret from not taking action is different.  There are no real lessons to be learned.  The regret starts out slow and may even go unnoticed for a period of time.  Over time, it becomes chronic and haunting; it’s about missed opportunities; it’s about, “what I could have done;” or “what I could have become.” 

When you make choices and take action; you risk making mistakes.  If mistakes were not bad enough, there is the chance that you just might fail.  But, mistakes and failures are teaching moments.  It was Henry Ford that said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently."  There are far too many people playing it safe.  By playing it safe, they may find comfort in the here and now, but someday will pay the price of regret. 

Regret can only be cured by taking action.  If you’re regretting something you’ve done, take action and make it right.  If you’re experiencing regret from not doing something, take action and do what needs to be done. Know that it’s never too late to take action; it’s never too late to finish school, change your career, live a healthy lifestyle, rekindle an old friendship or forge a new one, embrace a spiritual relationship, or more importantly, become the person that you always wanted to become. 

Awhile back, I was walking through a cemetery and a rather plain tombstone caught my eye.  The epitaph read, “No Regrets!” It caused me to stop and think just how much regret was buried in the earth because of not taking action; how many missed opportunities were there, how much talent and skill was never developed; and how many dreams were never realized. 

You’re the landlord of your psyche and you have the power to evict “regret.”  The longer you allow regret to reside within you, the harder it is to get rid of it.  Instead, evict “regret” by taking action.  Don’t be one of those people who say, “I wish I would have…” Be one of those people who say, “No Regrets”  

It's your life: live it, love it & celebrate it!

MJD